Chapter 30
On the drive back to Seattle, Spence didn’t say much. Zoe didn’t care. She was with Spence, and Ethan was no longer a threat. She hated that he’d died, but it seemed as if he’d chosen death rather than return to a mental health facility.
Finally Spence cleared his throat. Glanced over at her. “You sure Davies didn’t hurt you?”
She held out her wrists, both ringed with bruises that would likely leave scars. “This is it, Spence. I swear. The whole time we were in the cabin, we were talking.” She took a deep, shuddering breath. “Or rather, Ethan was talking. Telling me about how I would love everything about my new life. That I’d like everything he liked.” She drew in another shaky breath. “When I told him he didn’t get to make choices for me, he became agitated. Angry. As if I was destroying his vision. His dream.”
Spence reached over and gripped her hand. “Because you were,” he said, smoothing his thumb over the back of her hand to soothe the sting of his words. “He’d built it up in his head and was convinced that you had the same vision. When you told him you didn’t, you were shaking his faith in everything.”
She shuddered. “I guess that was his mental illness taking over.”
“Yes,” Spence said quietly. He reached for her hand, gripping it tightly for a moment before letting her go. “It was. Think about his situation.” He drew in a deep breath. “His mother died eight months ago, and he’s been living by himself. He had no one to tell him that he was living in a fantasy world. No one to tell him that life didn’t work the way he wanted it to. He was free to think whatever he wanted to think, completely untethered from reality. It was easy for him to build up his scenario without any sense that you were a separate person from him with your own life, your own goals and your own dreams.”
Zoe slipped her suddenly cold hands beneath her thighs. “I tried to be kind to him. I explained that I had a life in Seattle, and I was committed to that life. But hearing that just made him agitated.”
“Of course it did.” Spence sighed and ran one finger over the bruise on her left wrist. “Anything you said or did that contradicted his vision would be upsetting for him.
“But that doesn’t mean it was your fault that he went off that cliff. I yelled at him to stop several times. Tried to grab him. But he never slowed down. Never veered off course. We’ll never know if he jumped on purpose or was disoriented and frantic. He was in the grip of a strong delusion and just… ran. Fast as he could.”
Zoe stared down at her hands, at the bruises around her wrists. They’d fade eventually, but the scars they left behind meant Ethan would always be a part of her. He’d caused the tragic, formative event of her adolescence, the death of her father. Ethan was behind their move to Seattle. And all because his mental illness went untreated.
“I have a new product almost ready for release,” she said after a moment. “It’s a security system for personal computers -- the first Melbourne Solutions product that’s aimed at the home market instead of the business market. I think I’m going to name it the Davies program and donate all the profits to mental health research and treatment.”
Spence glanced at her. “I think that’s a wonderful, thoughtful idea. Are you going to tell Ethan’s story?”
“I’m not sure,” she said. “I’ll talk to our lawyers. Talk to some of the local mental health non-profits.” Her mouth quivered, and she bit her lip. Swallowed. “It’s not like he has family that could sue me, but I want to be respectful. Want to honor the person he might have been with more effective mental health treatment.”
“I think people respond to stories,” Spence said. “Maybe if you make it personal, more people would support your cause. Buy your program. More people would think about mental health issues.” He shrugged. “But that’s a question for the lawyers.”
Three hours later, they pulled into the parking garage at Zoe’s condo. This time, she got out of the car by herself without waiting for Spence to check the garage. She walked around the car and pushed the button for the elevator without being afraid Ethan would rush up behind her.
She watched Spence get out of the driver’s side. He let his gaze slide over the nearby cars. Stood and listened for several beats. It was automatic. He was on guard. Keeping her safe. Her heart turned over with an emotion she found overwhelming. Scary as hell. Then he joined her at the elevator.
And when the elevator opened at her condo, he held up his hand for her to wait while he checked out every room. Finally came out of her bedroom and said, “It’s clear. Go ahead and close the elevator door.”
Zoe pushed the button, but stood in front of the elevator, unsure what to do. Technically, Spence’s job was over. But she doubted there’d be a flight to Helena this late at night.
Did she want him to stay?
Of course she did. She wanted this night with him.
If she were honest with herself, she wanted far more than one night. But she wasn’t sure how to broach the subject with Spence.
Wasn’t sure what his reaction would be. Or what he wanted.
But she’d kick herself for the rest of her life if she didn’t at least bring it up. Didn’t at least ask him to stay.
“So, Spence,” she said, her hands laced together behind her back to keep him from seeing them shake. “What’s the plan? Are you staying here tonight? Going back to Montana? Not sure there are any planes this late.”
He froze, then slowly turned to face her. “No, there aren’t any planes. I’ll have to wait until tomorrow.”
“So we can have tonight?” she said, joy flooding through her senses.
He looked away, and joy turned into a fist in her gut.
“I don’t think that would be a good idea, Zoe,” he said.
“Why not?”