Lila and Heidi made eye contact, Heidi hoping that Lila knew and understood how true the words were. Ann moved in and kissed Heidi’s cheek, whispering her love once more.
Heidi tried to rein her emotions in so she could at least have a normal conversation with the two of them, but it was a struggle. The confession had exhausted her. It was such a simple thing to say, to share, but it had taken everything in her to utter those words and let them live so they could die.
Knowing intuitively that this was their turning point, they had all taken that step. Well, Heidi and Ann had. Staring back at Lila, Heidi wondered just when she would give in to everything holding her back, but particularly the fear that someone she loved would hurt her when she least expected it. Heidi had seen it so many times in the families she worked with that she’d known from the start it was exactly Lila’s struggle.
Baby steps were the name of the game that weekend, and so far they were progressing. She already felt closer to both of them. It wasn’t about one night changing everything, but simple small steps they would all have to make to learn to trust, to learn to be with each other or maybe even others. At some point, all of them needed to learn to love themselves and each other.
They spent the afternoon together in the den. At some point, Heidi had excused herself to make lunch, and Lila cleaned up. They worked well in tandem, if Heidi thought about it long enough. Perhaps that was what would finally make all of this work. She had to believe it would.
However, she had noticed Lila interpreting things for the each of them to the other. While she appreciated how it made communication smoother, there had to come a point when that habit was broken, when Lila would feel free to communicate about herself. Heidi would make sure to make some room for that the next day if it didn’t happen naturally later that night.
Lila was already upstairs when Ann bent over and kissed Heidi passionately. Heidi cupped a hand around her cheek and held her close. Their tongues tangled in a messy kiss, and she knew Ann was looking for more. But after the emotional morning she’d had, Heidi couldn’t summon the energy. She nipped at Ann’s lip but slowed the kiss and pulled away shortly after.
“As much as I would love to be with you, Ann, I really have zero energy for it right now. Not after this morning. What I need is physical connection without all that.”
Ann pouted, the flashes of hurt and shame coming right back into her gaze. Heidi raised her chin up so they looked each other in the eye.
“My decision has nothing to do with you. I want to be with you, just not right this minute inthatparticular way. Do you understand?”
“I’m trying to.
“Good.” Heidi sighed and did the next best thing she could think of. “I think Lila could use some attention right now, don’t you?”
Ann looked at the staircase that led up to the bedrooms. “I think you’re right.”
“We’ll both have to take care of her, Ann. She’s doing something wonderful for us.”
“Yeah.” Ann trailed off. “I have an idea about that.”
“Do you?” Heidi raised an eyebrow.
“Not today. Maybe tomorrow. We’ll see how the day goes.”
Curious, Heidi let it drop, knowing Ann would share when she was good and ready. Heidi knew she would. Ann was a verbal processor. She talked things through out loud to figure them out, and this would be one she wouldn’t be able to hold in for long.
Heidi watched as Ann left the den and headed up the stairs. She stared at the fire, finished her tea, and then made her way to their room. It wasn’t long before she lounged on the bed with a book between her fingers as she read Edale Lane’s book,Walks With Spirits.She’d picked it on a whim and hadn’t been able to stop thinking about the characters from the moment she’d gotten into it.
Within a few minutes, she was interrupted by sounds echoing under the doorway. At first Heidi tried to ignore them, but after a while, she listened. They were both her partners, and there wasn’t anything wrong with listening in on the two of them doing what they needed to feel connected to each other.
With Ann’s and Lila’s lovemaking in the background, Heidi went back to her book, flipping through the pages as she immersed herself in the story. She’d lost track of time, but when the door to the bedroom opened, it was getting dark outside. She expected Ann to stumble in, tousled and cheeks red from sex.
Instead, Lila tiptoed inside and stood near the edge of the bed. Heidi stared at her oddly. She really had expected Ann to the be the one to come find her, but she should have known better. Ann notoriously crashed after sex. Lila fiddled with the blanket.
“Can I join you?”
“Absolutely,” Heidi answered, moving the duvet aside so Lila could climb underneath it. Heidi set her book on the nightstand as Lila moved into her side, wrapping an arm over Heidi’s belly. Heidi dropped a kiss into those blonde waves. “Everything all right?”
“I need to be held,” Lila whispered. “I thought you might, too.”
Heidi hummed as she turned on her side to slide down and face Lila. “Turn over.”
After much scooting and adjusting, Lila’s backside pressed firmly into Heidi’s front. She held on tightly, kissing Lila’s shoulder and the back of her neck in soft comforting connections. This was what she had wanted from Ann hours ago, but she’d survived without it. Now was her time, and Lila’s too.
They lay in the quiet, and Heidi wondered if Lila had fallen asleep accidentally. She’d heard nothing from the other room, but she also knew they would be nearing dinner time soon and would all need to head downstairs for their evening meal. The quiet of the day after such an eventful and emotional morning had been so welcome.
Heidi longed to explore the ranch and see what else there was, maybe take a walk down to see the cows, but she wasn’t willing to leave if the others needed her, no matter how much the solitude would be freeing. Lila sighed, and Heidi squeezed her a little tighter so she’d know Heidi was there for her. With one last kiss to Lila’s neck, Heidi closed her eyes, and she almost missed Lila’s question.
“How is this going to work?”