Ann laughed. “You figure out Monday then. I’ve got to go back to work.”
She finished up her meal in a few bites, cleaned up her tray, and took it to the trash. She said nothing else to Lila as she walked away, and didn’t even look over her shoulder. That had been boundary pushing, but it had been so much fun. When Ann got back to the ICU, she was far more relaxed and in a good place. The conversation with Lila had been exactly what she needed.
CHAPTER14
Tonight was the night.It was exactly what Heidi wanted and needed. She and Lila had been texting and talking every day, and all the changes Heidi was making were feeling so different, with Lila’s help. It was perfect. Lila had no idea, but Heidi sensed the reason the start of their relationship was going so well—unlike every other relationship she’d been in—was because of her honesty, because she was trying to connect with her deeper feelings. This was how she had wanted to live for her entire life.
They ended up back at Lila’s apartment after a quick dinner Saturday night. Lila couldn’t stop smiling. She was so relaxed for the first time ever. She’d barely even noticed the other people in the restaurant while she was there. She’d told Ann at one point she didn’t like going out because people might see her, and she was pretty sure Ann had thought that it was because of being lesbian in a conservative part of the country, but that hadn’t been it.
After being prostituted by her foster-father for the majority of her life, Heidi had no idea who was out there who had seen her, who had used her, who had paid for her services. She was always worried she was going to run into one of them, and that it would put her right back in that place. It was so different with her work because then she could actually do something to help the kid in trouble and maybe even put the John away, but in her life? It was too long ago for it to happen.
And Heidi didn’t remember all of them. She wished she did some days, and others, she was so happy their faces blurred together into an emotional mess of trauma. Shaking the thought from her mind, she focused on Lila, this beautiful young woman who was so intuitive. Tonight was the night. Heidi had known it before she’d even shown up for the date, before she’d made the decision to go back to Lila’s.
She was going to do it. She wasn’t going to make it a big deal, not like it had been with Ann. She was going to relax and ease into it as best as she knew how. Heidi turned to look Lila over as she watched the movie playing on the screen. Heidi stayed closely snuggled into her side as she took in all the tiny features about Lila—the slight freckles sprinkled across her face and the dark moles along her neck and collar bone, which Heidi desperately wanted to trace.
Lila was so relaxed, so content with just sitting there in that space and time, but Heidi was going to take it one step further, assuming Lila wanted to. Her lips curled upward at the thought. For once in her life, she was going to seduce someone, and she was going to make it worth their while. Heidi skimmed her hand down Lila’s arm, catching her attention. Lila turned and gave her a curious glance, her gaze dancing.
“Yes?” Lila asked.
Leaning in, Heidi pressed their mouths together. The moment was tender and perfect. They each gave and took, willingly and kindly. Lila smiled underneath the pressure of Heidi’s lips to hers.
“That was unexpected.”
“You’re unexpected,” Heidi answered and kissed her again. She pushed a bit more so Lila would know she wanted more. She peeked her tongue out to trace Lila’s lips before easing back. “I don’t really want to watch a movie.”
“Oh?” Lila smiled. “And what would you like to do?”
“You.” Heidi’s response was so simple.
Lila grinned, her entire face lighting up as the realization hit her as to exactly what Heidi wanted. Moving in, Lila kissed her fiercely, passion striking both of them deeply as they connected. In the few short months since they’d met, Heidi had become completely entranced by Lila. Lila was so soft with her, so tender and caring at the same time. She allowed Heidi to explore and push herself when she wanted, to try something new without lashing back or making Heidi feel guilty about running scared.
It wasn’t just that, though. Heidi had been working on herself too. She wanted this. She wanted to be free from her trauma, to be able to handle it better and connect. Not just with Lila, but she’d proven she could do it with Ann, too. In some ways, it was far more important that she did it with Ann. She wanted Ann to be there for the rest of her life, and she wasn’t willing to hide in herself, to put up barriers that would keep her out anymore. They had to be open and honest with each other.
Lila kept their hands locked together as she moved to stand up. “Come on.”
“Where are we going?”
“The bedroom?” Lila answered as though it was a question, raising an eyebrow. “That’s what you wanted, wasn’t it?”
“Oh, yes.” Grinning, Heidi stood and let Lila lead her into the single bedroom the apartment boasted. It was nice inside. White walls, as expected in any apartment, the bed surprisingly made and the floor cleared of crap. It was a dream come true for Heidi, the cleanliness adding to her ease. Surely Lila couldn’t have known about that, could she?
Lila walked backward until she reached the edge of the bed, sitting on it. Heidi moved in, stepping between Lila’s legs and bending her head so they could kiss again. Heidi loved kissing her. It was so comforting and passionate at the same time. As though she could spend days and weeks just kissing Lila and never tiring of it. She threaded her fingers through Lila’s hair, the soft curls gripping her fingers at the ends before she started again.
Lila held her hips, keeping her in place firmly. Heidi felt as though she couldn’t move, but she knew if she twisted and turned or stopped that Lila would let her go. She had absolutely no fear or trepidation about what they were about to do. Lila nipped at her lower lip, adding a little spice to the mix. Heidi gasped.
“Did you like that?” Lila asked.
“Yes.” Heidi mimicked Lila’s actions before pushing forward on her toes until Lila toppled back onto the mattress. They fell together, Lila cradling her between her legs as they shifted.
“Tell me what you want,” Lila whispered in between kisses.
“Make me feel everything at once.”
“I can do that.”
Lila stripped Heidi’s clothes off one by one until she was completely bare and lying in the middle of the bed. Lila stood up, dropped every scrap of clothing she still had on and climbed onto the bed again, hovering on all fours over Heidi. Heidi drew in a ragged breath, and Lila shifted, falling to her side and giving Heidi more space. Heidi breathed freely, turning onto her knees and straddling Lila’s hips.
“Move up here,” Lila demanded. “And then close your eyes.”