“Good. But I have a feeling that isn’t why you insisted on this short-notice lunch.”
Ann narrowed her gaze. “You know me too well sometimes.”
“You know me pretty well too at this point.”
“I guess.”
Lila sent a pitying look her way. “What’s wrong?”
“I found out my partner is dating someone.”
“So?” Lila raised an eyebrow in her direction. “If you have an open relationship, you can’t get mad at her for dating someone.”
“I’m not mad. That’s definitely not what I’m feeling.” Ann frowned into her plate.
“Then what are you feeling?” Lila moved her food around with her fork, and Ann wondered if she was ever going to eat it or if she was just going to play with it.
Ann sighed, mulling the question over. She really did need to figure out what she was feeling. That was part of the problem. She wanted to be mad because it was easier, but if she really focused on it, anger wasn’t what came to mind. No, it was something else entirely. Lila stayed quiet as she thought, which was a blessing. Finally, Ann set her fork down and rolled her shoulders. “I’m unsettled.”
“Why?”
“Do you always ask such hard questions?” Ann snorted.
“Yes. It’s why you always come to me with the hard problems.”
“Fine. It’s new, and it’s not just that she’s dating someone. She’s becoming a whole different person.”
“Oh?” Lila looked her directly in the eye then, her deep blue eyes never wavering from Ann’s. “What do you mean different?”
Ann shrugged. “I don’t know how to explain it. She came home the other night wanting to be in the moment more. She asked me on a date. I can’t even remember the last time we went on a date.”
“How is that a bad thing?” Lila cocked her head to the side.
“I guess it’s not. I mean, I know it’s not.” Ann groaned. “I’m not making any sense, am I?”
“You’re making sense.” Lila shifted in the hard plastic chair. “Tell me, are you scared of who she might become or are you scared she might not love you when she gets there?”
Trust Lila to lay it all out bare. Ann’s heart thudded wildly, every nerve in her body firing warnings, and her muscles tensing so much it hurt. She had no idea if Heidi would love her after she changed. What Heidi wanted was definitely for the better, it would make such a huge difference in her life, but Ann had no idea if she’d even be part of Heidi’s life after that. She wanted to be. She loved Heidi with everything she was. She never wanted to give her up.
“Ah…there we have it.” Lila crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair with a cocky smirk on her lips.
“You’re so mean sometimes.”
Lila laughed. “Sure, but it’s why you love me.”
“It is.” Ann grinned, glad Lila was able to say that without fumbling this time around. Drawing in a deep breath, Ann let it out slowly.
“I don’t think she’ll stop loving you because she’s dating someone else.”
“No, I don’t think that,” Ann muttered. “I think she won’t be the woman I fell in love with.”
“So you’re scared of not loving her?”
“What if she doesn’t need me anymore?” Ann could barely make the words out, but it was exactly where all of her fear came from.
Lila’s look broke into one of pity. “Oh, Ann. You need to talk to her about this. But I think she’ll always need you. We always need our partners. It’ll just look different than it does now, like you said. Don’t let that go. Be there for her exactly as she needs you to be.”
“You’re right.” Ann stared down at her plate, still more than half full of food. She was doing a poor job of eating her lunch. “I do want what’s best for her.”