“That’s the only time you get mad is when we’re talking about sex.”
“So I want to fuck my partner. Sue me for it. I’m not sorry about it, and you shouldn’t be either. Sex is a good thing. It’s a healthy thing. It’s something both of us should want.”
Heidi glared. “I never said I didn’t want sex.”
“Then why the hell do you tell me no all the time?” Ann could have punched the wall. They’d done so well at avoiding this argument for a month now, but it seemed as if they were fighting about sex once a month at minimum. It made her head hurt, her heart hurt, her entire body hurt. She hated it.
Sex was so much easier with Lila. They understood each other. They wanted each other. But every time it came to sex with Heidi, Ann couldn’t help but feel like it was a pity fuck whenever Heidi couldn’t say no yet again. She needed to know that Heidi wanted her, needed her, wanted to fuck her brains out.
Heidi glared. Ann struggled to even remember the question she had asked. Heidi drew in a slow, steadying breath before she moved the food around in the skillet. “Take your girlfriend out for the weekend if you want, Ann. It’s fine.”
“It doesn’t sound fine.”
“Itisfine. But don’t forget that you are also in a relationship with me, and while it might not be easier, I do hope you want to stay with me.”
Ann immediately softened. She saw the flash of pain across Heidi’s gaze, that fear, that incessant inability to understand that they both seemed to experience regularly. Ann took a risk, one she wouldn’t often take, and she moved in close to Heidi, wrapping her arms around Heidi’s shoulders and dragging her in to kiss her on the side of the head. “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” Heidi mumbled in response.
“I could never forget you.”
Heidi nodded wordlessly.
“I’m serious.”
“I know you mean it.”
“Good. Now believe it. I could never and will never forget you.”
“Okay.” Heidi moved forward to stir the food.
Ann let her go, knowing Heidi didn’t care to be restrained in any way. She stayed as close as she could for the time being, wanting Heidi to know that she truly did care, that she wanted to be there, that they would work together no matter how much work it took. “Maybe we should plan a weekend just you and me sometime, or if you ever end up with someone else, all of us.”
Heidi jerked her head around. “You would want to meet who I might potentially date on the side.”
“Yeah, why not? They might have some secret insight into your evasiveness.”
“My what?” Heidi’s lips parted.
“You’re very good at avoiding the real issue or emotion. Not sure if you’ve ever noticed that, but you’re utterly brilliant, Heidi, and you can essentially get out of any conversation you want because you’re smart enough to avoid it and change the topic so subtly people don’t even know what you’re doing.”
“What are you even talking about?” Heidi turned off the skillet and dropped in the rice noodles along with some water and seasoning.
“Sometimes it pisses me off how well you do it.”
“I’m not avoiding anything.”
“Sure you’re not. I’ll take you on a weekend sometime, I promise.”
“Are you serious?” Heidi turned to face Ann fully.
“Yes.”
“I would love that.”
“Good.” Ann leaned in and kissed Heidi quickly. “Dinner about ready? I’m starving.”
Heidi rolled her eyes but plated their meals.