It hadn’t even occurred to Ann to start dinner. She wasn’t hungry as she’d had a late lunch after an early morning nap, and the fact Heidi just expected her to cook when she was home—it was frustrating most days. “Didn’t get to it yet.”
“That’s okay, I guess.” Heidi reached under the cabinet and pulled out a pot. “I can make some stir-fry with noodles really quick.”
Ann sighed, leaning against the door frame. “Did you have plans for us coming up?”
Heidi turned on her, raising an eyebrow, her thin face looking even more gaunt than it normally did. Ann’s stomach clenched, worried her request was going to be too much, that something else might be going on that she couldn’t see.
“No, did you want to plan something?” Heidi turned the gas stove on.
Ann’s cheeks heated. She couldn’t tell if Heidi expected to her to be planning something for the two of them, but either way, her stomach plummeted with the thought that Heidi was not going to expect her next request. There was no good way to skirt around it anymore either.
“I was thinking about taking a weekend with my girlfriend.”
“Your girlfriend?” Heidi’s jaw clenched tightly, the muscles in her cheeks working overtime.
“Yeah. I thought it might be nice to take her somewhere and get away.”
“I see.” Heidi’s tone dropped, and she moved to the fridge, grabbing some vegetables before setting them on the counter.
“So I wanted to make sure you didn’t have anything planned for us.”
“No. Nothing.” Heidi wouldn’t look at her.
Ann stepped away from the door and moved to stand right next to Heidi, brushing a hand as tenderly as possible down her arm. “We talked about this.”
“We did. And I have no issues with you wanting to take your girlfriend out for the weekend. You know that. This isn’t jealousy.”
Ann’s lips thinned. If it wasn’t jealousy, then she didn’t know what it was, because that was all it felt like. “You know you have the freedom to find someone else to be with too, if you want.”
Heidi dropped oil into the hot skillet. “I’m well aware of our open relationship.”
“Don’t you want someone else? Someone who can give you something I can’t?” Ann touched Heidi’s arm briefly, but Heidi jerked away.
“This has nothing to do with that, and you know it.”
“I don’t know it. Please, tell me what I’m missing.”
Heidi glared at her. Ann closed her eyes, listening to the oil sizzle, Heidi’s rapid breaths, her own heart thundering.
“Please, Heidi. I want to know.”
“Maybe it is jealousy, but not because you’re with her. I have been trying over here to meet you where you’re at, to connect with you, to do something to get your attention, and everything I do seems to fail.”
“What?” Ann’s eyes widened. “What are you talking about?”
“That.” Heidi pointed the knife at Ann. “Exactly that.”
Ann stood stunned as Heidi went back to chopping the vegetables for dinner. Heidi wasn’t wrong. She did on occasion put more effort into dates with Lila and spending time with her because Lila liked to be romanced. Heidi always seemed to spurn it every time she’d tried with her.
“I don’t know what you want me to do.”
Heidi dropped the vegetables into the skillet angrily. “Maybe acknowledge that this is a two-way street, and that while I have been trying, you have not been.”
“But I have, Heidi!” Ann’s voice rose in pitch, desperate for Heidi to hear her or see what she was doing. “I have tried. I try every damn day to connect with you and you turn me down all the time.”
“You’re talking about sex,” Heidi accused.
“It’s not just sex.” Exasperated, Ann threw her hands in the air and spun around toward the living room, stalking toward the door before heading back. “It’s not just about sex. I swear.”