I refuse to get my hopes up, though what she just said does light a spark deep inside of me.
“He’s been with a lot of other women,” I say, dropping my head so I can gaze at the floor. “I’m nothing special. He’ll want to find someone else like he usually does.”
“Perhaps he behaved that way a few years ago, but now he holds a respectable position at Halcyon and is hardly seen on the gossip sites anymore. He’s grown up. We all go through a—difficult stage, especially when we’re young.” Her gaze is pointed when she levels it on me. “Remember yours?”
We always have to circle back to the moment when I had an affair with a man in Paris. “That was a long time ago.”
She didn’t even pick up on my “nothing special” remark. Not that I’m looking for pity or sympathy…
More like I want my mother to talk me up. Remind me that I’m a strong woman who can handle any situation. That she’ll miss me and she loves me and she always has my back.
“A year.”
Instead, she reminds me of my faults and makes me feel like shit.
I let out a growl, making Doja meow in warning from her spot beneath my bed. “I’m not happy about any of this.”
“I know.”
“I’m taking Doja with me.”
“That’s fine. I’m sure your fiancé won’t mind.”
“And I will eventually take every single item out of this room. It all belongs to me.” I tap my chest.
“Of course.”
“And I want—I want Jasper to come with me, too.”
Mother’s lips form a perfect circle and she rests her hand against her chest. “You want to take Jasper? He’s not a pet you can take with you like that stupid cat. He’s an actual human being.”
Like she notices—or cares. “He’s very dear to me.”
“He should be. He’s been with our family for years.”
“Jasper will take care of me. Watch over me as I adjust to my new life. I’m sure he could even instruct me on how to be a proper wife to Perry, and what my duties will be around the house.” Oh, I’m really talking a good game when I don’t even mean a word of it.
“Please, darling. Whatever Jasper can do for you, another servant can.” She contemplates me, slowly shaking her head. “We don’t have to do much as wives beyond provide beautiful, well-behaved children and look good on our husband’s arm when we’re at parties.”
If my mother could only hear herself. She’s setting back the feminist movement about fifty years, and I don’t even think she cares.
Well, I do.
“When you describe it like that, don’t you feel like you have no purpose in life? Don’t you want to do more?”
“More beyond shopping whenever I want, redecorating or remodeling one of the houses and going to lunch with all of my friends? I think that’s doing plenty.” The look on her face is downright arrogant. “I’ve done my duty to your father and the Lancaster legacy. I’ve been a loyal wife.”
Notice how she doesn’t use the word faithful. I guess there’s a difference.
“I’ve raised four beautiful children and I’ve survived a scandal or two.” She schools her expression, giving off serious royal family vibes. Stiff upper lip and all that. “What I want to do with my life now is my business and nobody else’s.”
“Chill out, Mother. I’m not judging you. I just—I don’t want what you have. I want a loving marriage and a man who cares about me beyond looking good on his arm. I want a happy family and children who love me and a husband who’s eager to see me at the end of his workday.” I press my lips together, hating that I just admitted all of that. I told Perry it wouldn’t be so bad, escaping this house, and I meant it. Getting away from my parents—specifically my father—is what I want more than anything.
But right now, with reality hitting me square in the face, I’m…
Scared.
“At this particular moment, I don’t think you have a choice.” She glances about my room, wrinkling her nose. “You should pack your things, darling. You don’t have much time.”