“I’m a fucked up mess. Trust me, he doesn’t want me in his life.”
“No, you don’t seem to get it. I don’t think any of that matters to him. You’ve showed him all your ugly scars, he knows you’ve worked as a topless waitress, that you’re broke, that you’re not some rich snot who’ll please Mommy and Daddy with your pedigree, yet he still seems to want you. That’s so amazing. He seems amazing. Or he’s a total psychopath who’s going to lure you into his trap and then eventually kill you.” Savannah starts laughing.
“He’s not a psychopath,” I reassure her with a frown. Let’s be real. I’m probably the one who’s a psychopath.
“Okay, then. What’s the problem? And don’t say you are,” she adds when she sees me open my mouth, ready to blast myself. “You’re not that bad, Jen. I don’t care what you say. You’re not a total bitch. You’re in college, trying to better yourself. You’re just…trying to get by, you know?”
“I’ve made bad choices,” I admit.
“Haven’t we all?”
“Not Rhett.”
“Oh, come on. No one’s that perfect. I’m guessing he hasn’t told you about all his bad choices yet.”
“No, I really think he’s that good of a person. He never makes bad choices. He does what’s right every single time.” Unlike me. I make the worst choices ever every single time, never caring about the consequences. If I hurt someone, so what? That’s life.
Rhett makes me want to be a better person. He makes me want to choose right, instead of constantly messing up, acting on impulse. Always reacting versus taking something in and coming up with a plan of action.
But it’s too late for us. I’ve already messed up, betrayed him in the worst way, and he doesn’t even know it yet. I’m a terrible person who doesn’t deserve Rhett Montgomery in her life. To keep seeing him would be stringing him along, and that’s not fair. To Rhett or to me. I need to end it. I keep trying, but he keeps coming back around.
I need to do something to finish it between us once and for all. Clean and easy break so we can both get on with our lives and forget each other.
“Just—think about what you’re doing, Jen. If you’re smart, you’ll stop pushing him away. You keep that up, he’ll eventually leave you forever,” Savannah says just before she gets off the couch and heads for the kitchen. “You want something to eat?” she calls over her shoulder.
“No thanks.” I’m not hungry. My stomach is too twisted up with my overwrought emotions. What the hell does Savannah know anyway? Maybe I want to push Rhett away for good. What’s the point in keeping him around? Once he finds out my secret, he’ll be so angry, so hurt, he’ll never want to see me again.
And that’s fine.
Really.
Rhett
I haven’t heard from Jensen since I ended our call without warning her yesterday. It’s so typical that she hasn’t reached out to me since. She had a lot of nerve, telling me I was running away from my feelings. She’s the queen of that shit.
As time goes on, I start to wonder. And worry. Where is she? Is she okay? I tell myself not to care, yet it’s all I can do. Like the sadist I am, I give in and try to call her, but she won’t call me back, and she won’t respond to my texts either. She’s avoiding me and I’ve been busy too, but I’m here.
Right now. Standing on her front porch and pounding my fist on the door. It swings open before I’ve even finished knocking and there’s Savannah, her expression g
oing from friendly to completely closed off the moment she sets eyes on me. “Oh. Hey. Um, you looking for Jen? I’m not sure where she’s at ri—”
Jensen magically appears behind her, proving Savannah wrong. “You should leave,” she tells me, her gaze unwavering.
What the ever loving… “Nice greeting,” I say sarcastically.
Savannah steps out of the way before she gets caught up in our argument. “I’ll let you two hash this out,” she murmurs before she darts back into the apartment.
“I didn’t realize there’s anything to hash out,” I tell Jensen once Savannah’s gone.
“There’s not. I just…” She glances over her shoulder before stepping out onto the front porch, closing the door behind her. “I don’t think we should see each other anymore, Rhett. This isn’t working out.”
I’m stunned speechless. My lips part, my brain races with all sorts of things I should say, but I can’t come up with anything. I thought we were okay. I know we just had a minor argument, but big deal. Couples have arguments all the time. We’ve been getting closer. It’s getting good, becoming real.
But maybe it was only getting good and becoming real for me.
“It’s been fun, and I’ll never forget you, but this…isn’t a good idea anymore. We’re too different.” Like she doesn’t expect me to protest, she turns, her hand on the door handle, ready to push herself back inside the apartment, but I stop her from fleeing. I brace one hand on the door, the other going to her waist, my body pinning her in place, her back to my front.
“Come on, Jensen, are you serious? Are you really trying to break up with me?” I lean in close, my hand leaving her waist to push her hair away from her neck, exposing the sensitive skin. “Just a few words from you, and I’m supposed to leave?”