“Tell me you’ll do it, Jules, tell me you’ll tell him it was a lie.” The air is thick, making it hard to breathe. He shakes me again and I’m afraid I might pass out.
Gulping air into my lungs like a fish out of water, I nod my head. As soon as I do this, he slams his lips down onto mine. No. Shaking my head, I claw at his face and open my mouth, sinking my teeth into his bottom lip.
He finally pushes off of me and I don’t miss my chance, my body springing into motion before my brain does. I run past him as far and fast as I can. The coppery tang of his blood is on my lips and in my mouth only making the sick feeling in my stomach worse.
I’ve never been a great runner, but today I could run a marathon. My lungs burn, my muscles ache, but I don’t stop, and I don’t dare look back. I don’t even slow down until I reach the door of my house. Frantically I unlock the door and hurry inside, slamming it closed behind me, I turn the lock into place. But even the sound of the lock turning doesn’t make me feel safe, not really.
Slumping down to the floor next to the door, I wish Cally and Bridget were here while just as equally being glad that they are not. I don’t want to talk about this…not about any of it. All I want is to forget about what happened and for Cole to leave me alone.
After a few minutes, I force myself to get up and go into my room. I take a hot shower hoping I can wash away the feeling of his touch on my skin. Unfortunately, no amount of soap or water could do that. The memory of that night is ingrained in my mind, no matter how hard I try and forget it. Unable to hold myself together, I sob quietly into the spray of water.
I never should’ve come here…first everything with Remington, and now Cole. I should have known better. I swipe at the tears, willing myself to stop crying. I’m stronger than this. When I’m finished, I dry off and lock myself in my room. What the hell am I supposed to do now? I think about calling Seb, but when I imagine telling him what happened, I can’t bring myself to pick up the phone. I don’t want to relive this, I just want it to stop.
I want Cole to go away, his memory to disappear. I think about calling Remmy, but I don’t even have his number and even if I had it, I’m not sure I could bring myself to tell him either. Seeing how he reacted that night, I’m afraid to see what he would do now.
How far would he go? I can’t have that on my conscience. The easiest thing is to just leave it alone. Maybe I can see about switching classes? I take a couple calming breaths to stop myself from having a full-on panic attack then I get dressed and sit down at my little desk, gazing down at all my homework.
Only after I’ve been staring at it for what feels like an hour, do I admit to myself that I can’t do any of it right now. My mind is too full to concentrate on math and bio.
I let my head fall onto the desk and close my eyes trying to clear my mind, I think about anything else that will come to mind, chocolate cake, my brother, Remington, but nothing helps.
All I see is Cole above me, his lust filled gaze piercing mine. All I feel are his hands on my skin…his finger biting into my flesh. It feels like I’m suffocating, the fear of the unknown crippling me. For hours, I sit on my bed, crying, wishing I could turn back time and change what happened. I hear Cally and Bridget walking around the house, talking to each other but I don’t go out to see them.
There’s no way I could handle seeing them right now, not without breaking down and telling them what happened. So instead I stay barricaded in my room…attempting to ignore their presence altogether.
It grows harder and harder to do and I almost break down when Cally knocks on my bedroom door to ask if I’m hungry. I bite my tongue and ignore her while silent tears slip down my cheeks.
After a while, I hear them going into their rooms and only then do I check the time. It’s a little past ten and I wish I could close my eyes and go to sleep, but I don’t even try. Cole’s image haunts me every time I close my eyes. Another hour passes, and I can’t take it anymore, the walls of my room are closing in around me. The dread and loneliness in my gut becoming too much to handle. I need someone…someone who understands me, and makes me feel safe, someone who was there that night. Remington. I pull on a sweatshirt over my flannel pajamas and put on my sneakers before unlocking my door.