“Please? I don’t want you to go. I don’t want you to hate me. Can we just be friends again? I miss you, I miss you so much,” I start to mumble, my knees wobbling with weakness.
“That’s the drug talking. You don’t mean anything you’re saying right now.” He looks like he wants to believe me, but I can understand why he doesn’t.
“I don’t want to be alone. I want to be with you…please, Remmy…please?” My fingers grip onto his shirt, not caring that I’m begging him. Fisting the fabric in my hands, I’m willing him to see through all of this and to the real me.
“Fuck, Jules,” he growls in frustration. “Let’s go. I can’t risk getting another suspension from fighting.” And just like that, I’m reminded that Cole is lying in a heap on the floor.
“Will he be okay?” I finally ask Remmy as he starts to guide us out of the bedroom and out into the crowded hallway.
“If I could kill him and get away with it, I would. But since I can’t yes, he will live.”
I shrug, hoping tomorrow I can make much better sense of all of this.
We make our way through the house, Remmy navigating the crowd, pushing through it until we reach what looks like a back door instead of the way I came in.
I’m having a hard time putting one foot in front of the other, my body and mind not fully connected. Remmy must notice too ‘cause his arms tighten around me. He’s basically holding my entire weight up while we walk. I’m reminded then that I never want to let him go again. We finally make it outside, the cool air kisses my skin, and I shiver.
“Are you sure you want to come back to the frat house with me?” he whispers into my ear and I sway unsteadily.
“Yes…I told you I miss you and want to be best friends again.”
Remmy doesn’t respond to anything I say and instead continues walking. We walk to the front of the house and start down the sidewalk. In a blink, we’re at the entrance of the frat house. I attempt to walk up the steps, but I can barely lift my legs now.
Remmy sighs, and picks me up, gently placing me over his shoulder. He opens the front door and walks inside. His booted feet pound against the stairs as my body is jostled back and forth with the movement. When we reach the top of the stairs, I feel like I might throw up.
“Remmy…” I almost whine. He stops at a door, pulling out what sounds like keys. Before I realize it, he’s gently placing me back down on my feet, my body sliding down his front until my feet touch the floor.
Looking up at him, I see every ounce of the person I wanted to see when I first showed back up here. Remington Miller. My best friend… my lover…the man I planned to marry and have babies with.
I lick my lips and we stand there for a long moment.
Word vomit. Oh lord. It’s coming. It’s rising in my throat. There’s nothing I can do to stop the words from coming.
“I love you, Remmy,” I whisper, pressing my heated cheek against his chest.
Chapter Eleven
Remington
“I love you, Remmy.” I can’t breathe. I can’t even fucking respond to those four little words. I know Jules has no idea what is going on, but I can’t help but feel like this is some sick joke. Like I’m on an episode of Punk’d. The one words I always needed her to say, and she says them now, after we’ve already fallen apart, after I’ve already broken us.
“Come on, let me get you a shirt to wear.” I clear my throat, feeling like there’s a bowling ball size of emotions lodged in it. It’s the drugs talking, I have to remind myself. She doesn’t really mean any of this. Tomorrow morning she’ll be back to hating me again, and I’ll be back to loathing myself.
“You’ll stay with me, right?” She can’t really mean what she’s asking me. She doesn’t want me within fifty feet of her any other day, but suddenly she wants me right beside her. No, she doesn’t want me. She doesn’t. We’re just like fire and gasoline to each other. Explosive, powerful, and if you get us too close to each other, we’ll burn everything to the ground.
What we had before is gone forever, nothing but a distant memory, something that we can never go back to. Still, I can’t help but let tonight be what it is. I can’t help but pretend like we are still the same two people, so hopelessly in love. For her…tonight I’ll pretend like I’m still the same, like I haven’t lost myself.
“If that’s what you want?” I guide her back toward my bed, a place I’ve never had a woman before. This is my room, my space to relax, my sanctuary. I’ve never brought a girl up here, no matter how much they begged and whined.