“Do you still want to hang out after class?”
“No,” I grit out.
“Why? Don’t tell me it’s because of that girl that just waved at you. Who is she anyway?” Using my hand, I brush hers off my thigh and grip my pen with enough strength to snap the damn thing. Maybe I should tell her, yes, but the blonde with a sweet smile and soft heart just ruined my fucking day, year, hell my life.
“She’s no one. I don’t even fucking know her, so stop acting jealous,” I whisper when all I want to do is yell. I wonder if Jules can hear me, I sure fucking hope so. I don’t want her to try and reach out to me, try and talk to me. I don’t want her to have a damn thing to do with me.
“Okay, so why then?” She pouts, and I twist away from her.
This classroom is too small, filled with too many people, and I feel like I’m suffocating. Her mere presence makes it feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest all over again.
“I have to go, Remington.”
I shake my head, not comprehending what she’s saying.
“What the fuck, Jules? Why?” I know I shouldn’t swear at her, but I don’t understand. I already lost my mom. If I lose Jules too, I’ll risk falling off the deep end.
She worries her bottom lip between her teeth looking at me as if she doesn’t want to say what she’s going to next. “You knew my parents were getting a divorce, and my mom, she’s too busy with work for me to live with her. I have to move with my dad.”
I blink. “Move? Like, leave?” My lungs deflate, my heart cracks down the middle.
“Yes.” She frowns. “I tried to reason with them, Remington. I asked my mom if I could stay with her. I’m old enough, but she said no. She travels too much and can’t risk leaving me alone for days.”
I understand what she is saying, but all I can feel is pain, anger, heartache.
“You’re my best friend, Jules. I need you.” My voice cracks, my insides twisting painfully.
“I know.” Tears glisten in her big blue eyes. “We have the phone. I can call you, check up on you. I can come and visit.”
I tighten my hand into a fist. I’m angry, at Jules, at her parents, at my own mother for choosing fucking liquor over her children.
“You know what, don’t worry about me. Go and live with your daddy.” My words slice through her, and I can tell they hurt. She reaches for me, her hand landing on my bicep, but I shrugged it off. If she cared about me as much as she said she did, she would find a way to make this work.
“Don’t act like that. It’s not like I want to.” I can hear her talking, but all I can feel is the betrayal. If she’s leaving, if she’s not even going to be here anymore, then I should just end this, rip out my own damn heart instead of letting her do it.
“Go away, Jules. Go pack your shit and get out of my face. I don’t ever want to see you again.” I barely get the words out. God, does it hurt to say them, it hurts so damn bad.
“What? You don’t mean that.” She makes another grab for me, but I take a step backward, putting space between us.
This is it. The end.
“I do. I never cared about you, about our friendship. You mean nothing. Just like my mother. Nothing.” I punctuate the words, staring down at her. Her pink lips tremble, lips I’ve thought of kissing my entire life, her hands shaking, and when the tears start to fall, I turn away.
“You…you can’t…” she starts, but I whirl back around, stepping into her space. I’ve never hurt her, never wanted her to be scared of me, damn if that is the last thing I ever wanted but seeing her right now with tears swimming in her eyes, looking like she’s the one that has a right to be heartbroken angers me. There are only two women I’ve ever loved in my life, and I’ve already lost one, now I’m losing her too.
Leaving me with no one…
“I do not care about you. Leave. Now. You’ve ruined us. Our friendship.”
“I can’t change something I have no control over, Remmy.”
“Neither can I. Now get out of my face. I never want to see you again.”
Her mouth opens as if she’s going to say something, but I shake my head, giving her a warning look. I don’t want to hear another word come out of her mouth. I don’t want to see her pink lips, big blue eyes, or soft blonde curls ever again.
“Remington,” someone calls my name, pulling me from the memory, and I blink letting the image of Jules’ tear-stained face disappears from my mind. I realize then that people are starting to shuffle out of the classroom. Fuck. My eyes move to the seat in front of me, the one that Jules was in before I spaced out. It’s empty now, thank fuck. Now all I have to do is get rid of this chick and I can get out of here.