“I didn’t either, but I was starving,” I point out. “Not anymore, though, I’m stuffed. I’m gonna go to the ladies room, and wash my hands. They smell like bacon, and I don’t want my mom to have a heart attack when I get home,” I excuse myself while Matt finishes up his burger.
Walking through the restaurant, I follow the large restroom sign above me. When I enter the bathroom, I find it empty and sag against the sink, thankful for a calming moment alone. I wash my hands, lathering them with soap thickly, all while my eyes are glued to the diamond ring that now adorns my finger.
The door opens behind me suddenly, and I look up from my hands and into the mirror, ready to fake a smile for whatever woman just walked in. But it isn’t a woman. My face falls, my gut tightening, my heart beating furiously.
“Banks?” I gasp, as he closes the door behind him, turning the lock into place, trapping me in the small space with him. “What are you doing? You can’t be here?”
Banks doesn’t say anything, instead, closing the distance between us in one stride. I’m dizzy with need, wanting his touch, even though I know nothing can come of it. Lifting his hands, he places one on each side of my face, cradling my cheeks. His unique scent fills my nostrils, he smells spicy like cinnamon, and clean, and a warm fuzzy feeling spreads throughout my whole body at the familiar scent.
“It’s just us now, tell me what really happened. Tell me what’s really going on.” His voice is brimming with emotion, and the intensity of it shakes me to the core.
“Banks…” My heart aches in my chest. I want to tell him the truth so badly. I want to tell him that I love him and that everything is going to be okay… but I can’t. If I tell him the truth, he will kidnap me again, in an effort to keep me safe. And no matter how badly I want to go with him, I can’t let that happen, because if we anger my father again, there is no telling what he’ll do.
“Tell me, baby,” he coaxes, his thumb gently rubbing over my heated cheek.
“This…” My throat tightens, the words almost refusing to come out. “This is my choice… I want to marry Matt. I will marry him.” At my words, Banks’ hands fall away, and a disbelieving look overtakes his features. He blinks slowly, almost like he’s willing all of this to be a dream.
“You are lying, you don’t want that prick. Tell me the truth. Tell me this isn’t what you want, Harlow.” Desperation drips from every single word, and I can hear the pain in his voice. I feel it like a knife is slicing through my heart.
“It’s the right thing to do. He’ll take care of me…” I start.
“You don’t think we’ll take care of you?” Banks interrupts, his voice taking on an angry edge. “We will protect you, all you have to do is let us in. Tell me what happened, and I can make this right. I’ll have Sullivan and Oliver here in a heartbeat.”
No. I can’t let them get hurt. Shaking my head, I take a step back, putting some distance between us. Having him this close makes me want to agree to everything he says.
“I don’t want you to take care of me or try to protect me. I want you to leave me alone.” Tears form in my eyes as the words I’m about to say roll off of my tongue, “I don’t want you anymore. You and your brothers are nothing to me.”
Banks shakes his head, his chest rising and falling rapidly. I can see the shock and sadness taking root. “Why? Why are you saying these things? I know we didn’t tell you before, but we love you, and we know you love us. Don’t do this.”
It feels like my heart is physically being ripped from my chest, each beat intensifying the ache. “I remembered some things that happened between us. Things I can’t forget, that I can’t get over.” I need to make him understand that I’m serious. I know it’s a low blow, but I need to get my point across. I need to make the lie more believable.
“Like what?”
“I remember you threatening me, and I remember how you bullied me in school.” Banks lowers his head in shame, his eyes go blank and gloss over as if he’s remembering that terrible time. I hate myself, and my father for making me do this. I hate him so much.
“I’m sorry, Harlow, I wish I could change the past, but I can’t, and the past doesn’t change the way I feel about you now.”
“You made my life hell, and I can’t forgive you, or your brothers for that.” It’s only partially a lie. I do remember some of it, but I forgave them long ago. We all made terrible mistakes, and I chose to forgive them for theirs. There was no point in holding a grudge or holding it over their heads if there was ever going to be a chance of all of us being together. But that ship has sailed now. There is no future for us four, at least not with me in it.