“No, you don’t, but there are times you want your will taken from you.” He stepped forward as she stepped back. He grabbed her hands and within seconds had them pinned against the wall. She was at his mercy. “Martin couldn’t do it because he was a good boy. I bet he looked at you like you were sick for even suggesting it.” The tears fell down her cheeks. “The arguments kept on getting worse, and he called you names. You hated him for the way he made you feel, right?”
“Stop it,” she said.
“You think I don’t know what that’s like? You were with me, Skye.” He recalled her screaming for help. He shook his head. “You were just a girl. My tutor, and I was so fucking scared. I know you expected me to fight, to get us both out of there, and I failed you.”
“You didn’t fail me.”
“I did. They were drugging me. I didn’t have a choice.”
“Neither of us did.”
“They fucked with us though, Skye. They’ve made it impossible for us to move on.” He let go of her hands and tilted her head back. “I remember your screams even in the dead of night. They made me hurt you. Rape you. Take your virginity from you. They were going to keep on hurting you.”
“I know what they were going to do.”
“They were monsters.”
“I know.”
“They made me a monster.”
“You don’t go around raping women, Noah. You don’t go around kidnapping people and hurting them.”
“I don’t. I have no craving to force a woman.” He licked his lips.
“What is it?” she asked.
Suddenly, he pulled away. He couldn’t do this.
“Noah, what’s going on?”
He sat on the edge of the bed, head in his hands, shaking.
She touched him, and he wanted to throw her hand off, but he didn’t. As much as he wanted her to stop touching him, he also wanted her to keep on doing it. To know that even as he had taken control, she wanted to be here.
“I like it.”
“What do you like?”
“I like when a woman fights me,” he said.
Her hand froze on his shoulder. He captured her wrist and looked up.
“You rape other women?”
“No, never.” He kissed the inside of her wrist.
“I don’t understand.”
He shook his head. “Don’t worry about it.”
She laughed. “Noah, you got me from my apartment, and we’re having this conversation. Other than my therapist, I’ve never told anyone about what happened, what we went through. I need you to talk to me. Be honest with me.”
“I like when a woman fights me but is soaking wet. She wants me, but she doesn’t want me.”
She frowned. “Now I’m confused.”
He ran fingers through his hair. “Some women and men enjoy … rape fantasies.”