I’m not afraid of the man, and his actions last night hurt more than any hit to the face ever could.
Silently, he walks across the room and drops down to his bed as if he weighs a thousand tons.
“You took off last night.”
My jaw aches from clenching as I glare at him.
“You were having such a good time with Mazie,” I say as calmly as I can manage, hating that even now with my heart split in two, I’m still protecting his secret by not blurting shit loud enough for people in the hallway to hear. I’ll forever be his dirty little secret, the little curious fun he had in college. Only I know he won’t mention the time we’ve shared when joking with his friends in twenty years like two girls would, because the same stigma on men doesn’t apply when women make those confessions.
“I was drunk,” he mutters, his fingers pressing into his temples as if he has a pounding headache.
I actually hope he does. It would serve him right.
“You fucked her because you were drunk?”
His eyes snap up to mine. “I didn’t fuck anyone last night.”
“This morning when you woke up then?”
I can see in his eyes that he didn’t mess around with Mazie. It should make me feel better, but it doesn’t. I’ve decided that Landon Andrews is bisexual, the only caveat to that is he will do what he wants with women in public, but he’d never be willing to cross that line with a guy.
It hurts me more than it should considering I knew that was a possibility from the second he put his hands on me while Blakely was passed out in my bed.
Things are easier in the dark. They aren’t as messy. Him putting his hands on a woman doesn’t raise questions. It doesn’t even really turn heads. It’s what’s expected of a college athlete.
“What happened at that party last night is no different from what I witnessed between you and Rex on more than one occasion.”
Landon has a point. Rex gets handsy sometimes. He’s never pressed his lips to my throat while dancing, but I think bringing that up is just splitting hairs at this point.
“I’ve never fucked Rex. Can you say the same about Mazie?”
His mouth snaps closed; his eyes filled with fire.
“Exactly,” I snap as I climb off my bed and reach for a t-shirt.
“Because you’re just friends,” he scoffs like he has never believed that to be true.
“I’ve sacrificed time with him to spend with you,” I remind him. “Instead of hanging out with him, I’ve spent all of my extra time locked up in this room with you.”
“You weren’t complaining until now,” he mutters with a wince as he lies back, smacking his head on the wall.
“The fantasy of the two of us is over,” I snap, shoving my feet into my sneakers. “I’m over being your secret. I’m no longer your fuck toy to experiment with.”
I want to scream, but a calmness settles over me, a level of acceptance I may not be able to hold on to for very long.
We’ve had a lot of fun, but it’s destroying me.
“Where the fuck are you going?”
I scoff at the presumptuousness in his tone. “You said once, you’d fucking die for me. How can you not see that you’re the one killing me?”
“Where. The. Fuck. Are. You. Going?” he snarls.
“To find Rex.”
By his reaction, you’d think I slapped him right across the face.
“Even after I told you how insecure that guy makes me?”
I shake my head. He may have hinted at it. I may have come to that conclusion from context clues, but he’s never come out and said it.
“You also said you wanted to be exclusive while you figured shit out, but you forgot that last night with Mazie.”
I walk out of the room, slamming the door behind me.
My last words were a low blow, meant to hurt, despite me being certain nothing happened between the two of them other than what I witnessed last night.
It’s less about who it was and more about never being able to see me replace that girl. He’d never offer that very same level of comfort with me or any man for that matter.
My hands are shaking by the time I make it out of the dorm building, and I feel that crash of emotion threatening to run me over.
I step to the side, out of the flow of Saturday mid-morning foot traffic, and pull out my phone before remembering that I can’t call Rex. He’d see right through the lies I’d have to tell him.
I head toward the mess hall, needing either food or coffee or both to settle my nerves. The gym would be best, but I also don’t want to risk running into anyone on the team. Besides, with how pissed Landon is, he’d probably end up there as well. He always turns to exercise and lifting weights when he’s pissed, claiming he uses it to fuel his fire.