“Maybe a nap would help,” he says as he lifts his glass of juice to his lips.
“You may be right,” I mutter as I rinse my mouth and then his sink as best I can.
I shuffle past him, heading right back to that filthy spot on the couch. Going back to the dorm means facing the consequences of mine and Rick’s actions last night, and I’m just not strong enough to face that shit right now.
I close my eyes, determined to postpone the inevitable blowup that will happen later.
I’m a coward for not facing it right this minute. My head aches from mixing so much beer with the tequila and then the vodka Silas shoved into my hand last night.
As I drift to sleep, I realize that it was Mazie. There’s no way that Rick has been around campus for the last three years and wasn’t aware of me hooking up with her. Mazie and I have never been an official couple, but that didn’t stop us from hooking up regularly or grabbing something to eat after a shared class sophomore year.
Oh God. If he hooked up with someone else last night, it’s because the woman was clinging to me, and I didn’t stop her.
How would I react if I was forced to watch him get rubbed down by someone he’s messed around with? I’d rip the guy to shreds.
Rick just walked away. He didn’t say a word or try to get my attention.
Has he been wanting to put an end to what we have going on and this is his way out?
No way. Even the way he looked at me last night, it was clear he wasn’t done.
I can’t stop the pull of sleep as it drags me back under, but I vow to make things right when I wake up.
I have nightmares of walking in on him with another man in his bed and wake up hours later with dried tears on my face.
What was supposed to be us taking the next step in whatever this is we share, has ended up possibly ruining us.
I hate myself a little more than normal when I finally manage to get off Jason’s couch and head back to the dorm.
Chapter 30
Rick
There’s no doubt in my mind that I’m a masochist. It’s the only explanation for sitting in this dorm room and waiting for Landon to be brave enough to show his damn face instead of hiding.
I swore when all of this started between the two of us that I wouldn’t let him get to me this way. I wouldn’t give the man the power to make my eyes burn with tears. I wouldn’t let the hatred I’ve tried to feel since high school actually take root and grow, but as the night went on with Landon not showing up, it took root inside of me.
The insidious pain is directed more at myself than Landon because I’m the one who let it all happen. I got too comfortable around him, and I let my guard down. Instead of keeping things strictly sexual like I convinced myself I could, I let myself imagine a world where the two of us could be together, those fantasies taking flight even more after what he confessed he wanted from me last night. It lasted all of thirty minutes.
I haven’t slept, and although I’m exhausted, I can’t go to sleep. Every time I close my eyes, I remember her hands on him, and the grin on his face as she pressed her lips to his skin and let her hands wander over his chest.
It’s something I know I’ll never be able to forget.
Pain and regret have settled inside of me, and if I had the energy, I’d spend a little time figuring out a way to transfer to a different school even though this semester just started. I can’t stay this close to him. With the way I feel right now, I may end up smothering him in his sleep.
I’m not given much notice of his arrival because the door swings open mere seconds after he inserts his key into the lock.
He looks like he’s gone five rounds with an MMA fighter and lost. His clothes are disheveled, his face still bearing lines from sleep. He has the audacity to look from where I’m sitting on my bed to his as if he expected to come in here and find me with someone.
I keep the growl from bubbling out of my throat, wondering if today is going to be the day that we come to blows. We fought all the time as kids, punching each other in the face when we got angry, and then things would settle. It’s not the same however after being intimate with someone, and although I can’t actually imagine getting physical with him, that doesn’t mean that he wouldn’t take it that far.