After ordering, I returned to my silent observation of everyone. There were couples, groups of women and men, and families having dinner together.
I hadn’t known how lucky I was to have been born in this town until I left. I knew nothing but peace between the species until I left for college, and while humans didn't openly torment supernaturals, there was a great divide.
Sure, there were humans like me who loved the supernatural community and were welcomed with open arms, but outside Wolfcreek were bars, clubs, and even apartment buildings that catered only to humans.
Wolves had packs, witches had covens, and so did vampires, so humans couldn't be judged for wanting spaces for themselves. But the hatred that birthed those spaces was the problem.
I got a taste of that sad reality again when I left two weeks ago, and sitting here, in a restaurant filled with various species, including humans, it was good to be home.
“One well-done steak,” Ginna announced when she returned with my meal.
I sat up, my stomach suddenly growling with impatience. "Thank you," I said with emphasis, and she nodded.
"Let me know if you need anything else," she said, and I thanked her again before she went to another table.
She looked at me strangely for a second thought, as if with concern, and I frowned. It was quickly forgotten when my knife sliced through the steak with ease, and I took my first bite. I was too occupied by my meal to pay attention to anything else.
I hadn’t had much of an appetite all day, but I was suddenly starving now.
I ate slowly, savoring every taste and finishing it off with a little nonalcoholic wine. I ordered a second glass and continued to drink alone, watching families pouring in and out of the restaurant. I watched mothers with their children and couldn’t help smiling.
One day, when I was ready to have a child, I’d experience the love shared between a mother and her children. It was a sacred thing and truly beautiful.
I loved my mother above all else. Growing up, it was only us, and she did everything to provide for me. I wanted nothing, and I didn't dare complain about anything I couldn't have. I had goals and dreams, and I achieved them by staying focused.
It wasn't easy, though. So many things tried to break me, but this life of freedom I had was what I wanted above all else. My mom would yell at me if she heard my thoughts, that providing for her was my way of repaying her for all the years she dedicated to me.
She’d put me first always, and I was able to retire her at 45 years old.
I learned independence from a young age and never developed a longing to have kids or a family of my own. I had my mind set on achieving so many things I never spared much thought on having kids. I figured it would happen when I was comfortable and ready when I had nothing else to achieve.
I was at that place now, and it was sad how boring it was.
I was grateful for my blessings, but I didn't feel as complete as I'd thought, so perhaps now was the time to pursue a relationship with kids in the future. I had nothing else to focus on.
But what if it was too late for me, I wondered. I was still young, but I'd never had motherly instincts. Years ago, if I had been told to choose between bringing life into the world and my goals, I would have picked my goals in a heartbeat.
That didn’t make me a bad person did it?
Being a woman didn’t mean my only end goal in life was to have children. Sometimes, it was sad how society judged women for not having kids or at least before a certain age or prioritizing themselves. Even so, it was known by everyone, parents included, that being responsible for a child, a whole being, was terrifying.
It was beautiful and scary, and that was the truth.
I didn't even want to be responsible for myself at times through the struggles of finding myself.
I sipped my wine and sighed.
Once I found someone capable of making me trust again, I'd think about a family. Doing it now was only going to stress me out.
No, there was already a time when I’d been willing to give up my dreams for a family. I’d fallen in love. The all-consuming kind, and I was left broken. I'd given my all and was ready to give even more, but I got less than I deserved.
I left Wolfcreek after that for college and didn’t look back. My determination to find my own peace had skyrocketed, and although I'd always been ambitious, that had worsened because the love I felt for another wasn’t reciprocated.
I told myself I didn’t want to be that dependent ever again.
When my eyes suddenly met a pair of black ones staring at me, I froze.
I hadn't noticed the man until now, but he was looking right at me. I frowned because I'd only known one man with such dark eyes, eyes that I’d loved more than anything.