Chapter 10 - Marian
Before getting into my car and driving to Dorian’s house, I'd felt like I was in a maze, running around in circles without a way out, and after my chat with Dorian, I wasn't sure if I was free. Instead, I learned he was in the same maze as me, trying to find his way out, and now we’d found each other.
What did it mean for us now? I was so tired of feeling confused about my emotions regarding his return to town, and now I’d learned I’d spent years being mad at him when his actions had been in consideration for me.
I pulled his shirt up to my nose and closed my eyes while inhaling his scent. His clothes smelt the same as they did years ago because he still used the exact laundry products I used to buy.
I smiled.
I hadn't planned to stay over, but we'd remained on his porch until it started raining, and after an hour without the rain stopping, he asked me to stay. The weather had been horrible lately, and I wasn't big on driving home in a storm, so I agreed to stay.
We’d ended up chatting in his living room until an hour ago when we realized it was 2 am. I’d found myself filling him in on everything he'd missed over the years, which had been outstanding. We were as we used to be, capable of chatting for hours.
Now here I was, in his guest room and wearing one of his shirts to sleep in as if I hadn't come here tonight to set the record straight that I was off-limits.
When I released the shirt, I rolled onto my side, the wind was howling outside.
How could I have such clarity now but still feel so confused? Perhaps it was because I knew I could feel what I felt for him without forcing myself to remember he was a soulless bastard that hurt me. I didn’t have to think like that anymore.
He'd hurt me, sure. That fact hasn't changed, but his reasons for doing what he did came from a place of true love, of putting someone else first, and I'd done exactly that with him. He’d ended our relationship to protect me, to set me free from the burden of worrying about him, and deep down, even if I hadn’t admitted it, he was right that I wouldn’t have let him go.
I was in one of the safest towns, a town that took note of every newcomer just to preserve our peace and that banded together in a time of crisis. No one would have come here to hurt me as a means to hurt Dorian and go unnoticed. Still, it didn’t mean it was impossible.
Human and otherwise, those who sought to do wrong always found a way to carry out their sinister plans, but there were others on the other side, the side of good, like Dorian, who always got in the way of preserving the peace.
He’d dedicated his life to doing that.
I rolled onto my other side, my back now facing the window. Did this mean there was a chance we could be together again, I asked myself. I wasn’t sure because would I be betraying myself if I got into a relationship with the man I vowed I’d slap the day I saw him again?
I sighed and sat up, rubbing my eyes. I couldn’t sleep. I hadn’t been in this house in years, so it felt strange. These walls knew me, but I didn't know them anymore.
Deciding to get some water, I slipped out of the room and made my way downstairs, creeping past Dorian's room as I did so. If he wasn't sleeping, he definitely knew I was up. Those ears of his could pick up on the quietest footsteps.
When I got to the kitchen, although I hadn't been here in years, Dorian kept his cups in the same place, plates and utensils too, so I didn't have to turn any lights on. It made me smile, roaming around this space like I used to.
If Nikoli was here, it would genuinely be like old times.
After finishing my glass of water, I lingered in the living room by the window that faced the porch and front yard. I watched the rain until my eyes started to droop with sleep, but my mind was still working overtime.
The past couldn't be changed, but I wondered what my life might have been like if Dorian had told me the truth. He hadn’t returned to Wolfcreek in years, so I wouldn’t have seen him until he retired now, so would we have eventually ended things?
We might have, I realized. No matter how much I loved him, not being able to see him, rarely speaking to each other, I wouldn't love him less, but that wasn't a sustainable relationship. He'd only retired now due to his journey's direction, so how long would he have stayed a hunter before coming home?
Exhaling, I decided to finally let go of the past. I let go of what-ifs and what could have been and decided to focus on the now. I finally knew the truth that made him push me away, and I knew where we both stood. He'd said he was willing to be my friend and make up for what he'd done, but maybe we could explore finding peace together after that.
Why not? Although brief, he'd given me so much happiness, and I knew I did the same for him. He'd been everything to me, my first in every sense.
Now I knew what this thing between us was and wasn’t. We were on the same page about our past and present, and the future was in our hands.
Making my way back upstairs, my body limp with sleep, I slipped past Dorian’s room when I heard him growl. I stopped and held my breath, believing I was caught sneaking around, when he growled again, followed by the rustling of sheets.
I stepped before the door, a hand on the knob.
“No,” I heard him groan, and I opened the door.
He was sleeping, tangled in his sheets, and his head was moving from side to side. I guessed he was having a nightmare, and when he growled again, this time, from the light streaming in through his window, I saw his claws elongate.
I entered the room and stood by his bed. I watched him for a second, frowning just as he was before placing a hand on his ankle.