When a knock came at the door, I took a breath and tried to put on a pleasant smile.
"Come in!" I called, and when Dorian walked in, my face dropped. "Oh, it's you."
He paused. “You know, I didn’t expect you to be excited to see me but really?”
“No, it’s not you,” I told him while waving for him to come inside. “I didn’t sleep well last night.”
He sat down and placed a paper bag on my desk. "Okay,” he replied. “It’s the container you gave Nikoli.”
“Oh,” I sighed, having completely forgotten that Nikoli had taken some of the food we cooked home for Dorian to have. “You didn’t need to bring that here.”
Dorian didn’t reply while I rubbed at my eyes, and when I stopped, he was staring.
"Are you okay?" he asked, and I nodded.
“I am. I just didn’t get much sleep.” I exhaled heavily and leaned back in the chair.
Telling Dorian about the eyes, I'd seen last night would be a mistake. I wasn't sure if I'd imagined it all or not, and if I hadn’t, Dorian would, without hesitation, blow things out of proportion.
I was spooked last night, that was for sure, but I didn't want to start trouble, and he was itching for a reason to hurt Isaac.
“How’s Nikoli?” I asked before my nosy ex felt the need to further probe why I didn't sleep. "He made it back to school, okay, right?"
“He did,” he answered and adjusted himself in the chair, pulling his jeans down to get comfortable. “He’s okay.”
He was wearing an army green shirt, and my eyes betrayed me by drifting to his chest, and admiring how mouthwatering he looked. I'd always loved cuddling with him. He was so warm, and now he was twice the size he was back then.
I cleared my throat and leaned forward to cross my arms on the desk. “Areyouokay?”
With his left arm on the chair handle, he stared at me. "It's been good reconnecting with Nikoli. We haven't had time together in far too long, and now I have time in abundance. It hasn't been easy, though, facing the reality of all the things I missed with him.”
I hadn't expected such honesty, but I welcomed it. I knew Dorian loved his son, which was never in question even though he'd left. He left to get a suitable job to care for his son and in extension, to make the world a better place for him.
"I know it must be hard for both of you," I replied, and he shook his head.
“Nikoli is…” he answered but paused, searching for the words. “He’s open, kind, too understanding, and very few things bother him. Over the years, I'd waited for him to start hating me because I'd understand it if he did. I waited for him to become a typical teen and despise his father for not being around, but it never happened."
"Whenever I called, he filled me in on everything with enthusiasm. He never once complained, Marian," Dorian rubbed at his temple. "Never once did he seem upset that I'd miss another milestone because he'd always tell me about it anyway."
He laughed, and I was stunned, silent, that he was saying all of this.
"It made me feel like shit," he chuckled a little, and I smiled. "I felt I deserved his anger."
I took a breath, and so did he. He frowned, probably surprised he'd walked in and unloaded such heavy stuff, but a part of me loved that he did. It was like we were right where we left off, being able to talk to each other about anything.
While Dorian was closed off from others and only opened up to a few people, I was one of those few. This reminded me of what Killian had said that there was one person Dorian would talk to about what happened to him while being a Hunter, and it was me.
"He's always been a special kid," I said, and he looked at me. "He's always been a smart kid, too, so I think you should give him credit for that. You were doing something incredible, something very few people can do. I don't doubt that Nikoli’s proud of his father instead of being mad at you."
I looked away because Nikoli's pride for his father wasn't something I'd shared with the man I'd loved. Dorian had left me, and that was all I'd focused on. That didn't mean I wasn't entitled to my anger, but still, I'd refused to be understanding.
“I didn’t come here to unload all of this on you. I know things between us aren’t as they used to be and won’t ever be again," Dorian grumbled, and I saw that he was about to get up.
"I'm glad you came," I said, and my words rushed from my lips, and he paused. "I don't mind, and thanks for bringing my container back.”
I nodded to the paper bag, and he smiled.
"You're welcome," he replied, and his voice dipped a couple of decibels.