But Madison has other plans for us as she bursts into the kitchen. “Can we play hide-and-seek now?”
James and I jump back, flying to opposite sides of the island.
James clears his throat. “Sure, kid. Go hide, and I’ll start counting.”
She runs out of the room, and he gives me a tentative smile. “I didn’t pick the best time to kiss you, with my entire family in the next room.”
I let out a nervous laugh, still in shock from what just happened. “I didn’t mind it.”
“No?”
I shake my head and bite my bottom lip to keep the goofy smile from spreading across my face.
“So, you wouldn’t mind if I kissed you again sometime?”
I squeeze his shoulder. “Just don’t make me wait too long.”
“I don’t hear counting,” Madison yells from somewhere in the house.
James shakes his head and walks out of the kitchen. “Aunt Denise, your kid is a cockblock.”
Madison’s head pokes out of the closet. “What’s a cockblock?”
“Jesus Christ,” Denise mutters.
We play several rounds of hide-and-seek, and then Madison declares it’s time for teams. James and I hide so she and Leo can find us. James yanks me down the hall, pulls me into his bedroom, and we crouch down inside his closet.
I peek out from behind the door to get a look at his room. No surprise, it’s neat and simple. Navy-blue comforter on his bed, plain white walls, and wood furniture.
On his dresser, I spot a picture of his mother. “Your mom was so beautiful. You have her eyes.”
“That’s about all I got from her. I look more like my dad, but Leo is the spitting image of her.”
Maybe it’s because we’re crammed into a dark closet that I get the courage to ask, “Do you mind if I ask how she died? You’ve never mentioned it before.”
He’s quiet for a moment. “She committed suicide.”
My throat goes dry at the sound of those three words, and my heart plummets to the floor.
His hand finds mine, and he grips it as he continues. “I was at my friend’s house playing video games. She called my cell, but I sent it to voice mail because I was leaving soon. I figured she was just calling me home for dinner.” He pauses. “I was the only person she called that day. My dad was at work, and Leo was at the skate park. By the time I got home, she was gone. I found her hanging by a rope in the bathroom.”
My lungs constrict, and I can’t get in any air. I can barely hear his voice over the sound of my pulse roaring in my ears.
She killed herself.
James’s mother had depression.
She took her own life.
“I-I’m so sorry, James. That’s… that’s awful.” I fight to keep my voice even as the tears stream down my face, but I can’t make this moment about me. He just shared something tragic with me, and I need to be here for him.
“It’s all I see sometimes when I close my eyes at night. The vision of her, just hanging there.” He sucks in a deep breath. “I’ll always wonder what she wanted to say to me when she called. Maybe she was calling for help. Maybe I could’ve stopped her if I’d answered. I’ve hated myself for ignoring her call.”
This poor man.That’s why he’s always running around trying to save people. He couldn’t save the one person who mattered most to him.
I take his face in both of my hands and press my forehead to his. “Don’t hate yourself. Please, James. It’s not your fault, and if your mother were here, she’d tell you the same thing. You are not responsible for what other people are going through.”
“Why?” His voice sounds strained. “Why would a motherchooseto leave her children?”