“I…” Trey didn’t know what to say. He did take TJ to Bluegrass with him every afternoon, and they returned to Dixon Dreams about four to finish a few things before dinner. He was a good friend to Trey, and he did whatever Trey said.
Pathetic that one of his best friends was a five-year-old.
“I am not doing anything with Jake Harguss,” Beth said, plenty of anger in her tone. “Wehave a giant sheet of ice behind the chicken coop, and I need him to find the leak and fix it.Weneed to sit down and talk about what we want to call this ranch, andweneed to talk about what we both want.”
“Do you want to do that?” Trey asked.
“Yes,” she said, raising her chin slightly. “I am not perfect, Trey, but I am trying so hard. For so long, my focus was on TJ and the ranch. I didn’t have room for anything else. I do now, and I’m really struggling with where my time and energy should go. I know you don’t get the attention you deserve. I know my sister doesn’t.” She wiped quickly at her face. “I’m trying, and I’ve been praying all day for the right solution, and I just don’t know what it is.”
“Okay,” he said.
“I know how to feed chickens. I know how to clean out stalls, so I’ve been doing that. The fact is, I might just not be good at being married.” Her chest heaved, and she didn’t brush away the tears this time.
Trey frowned, unsure of where this particular item had come from. “Beth,” he said. “What does that mean?”
“I’d been married to Danny for only three years before he died. He was already cheating on me. I obviously wasn’t a good wife—at least not good enough for him. Maybe I’m just not good enough for anyone, as we’ve only been married for three months, and I’m already disappointing you.”
Trey felt the fight go out of him. “You don’t disappoint me.”
“You’re a liar,” she said. “You can’t take it back now, Trey. I know now. I know I’m not good at being married, and maybe…well, maybe I should just get used to that fact and learn how to be happy alone.”
Trey didn’t know what to say. Beth wiped her face and let her hands fall back to her sides. “I’ll go make sure TJ has lunch.”
“I can do it,” Trey said. “Then we’ll go to Bluegrass.”
She shook her head. “No, it’s okay.”
“Beth, I don’t mind.”
“Imind,” she said. “Imind, Trey. If we aren’t going to be a family, then you don’t just get to take my son to your ranch as if he’s yours. He’snotyours. He’s mine.”
Trey felt his whole world slipping away from him, and no matter how hard he tried to grasp it, he couldn’t. Something lodged in his throat, making it difficult to breathe. “I want us to be a family.”
“No,” she said, backing up a step. “You loveTJ. You’ve always loved TJ more than me, and I’ve been fine with it, because I never thought there’d be anyone who would love him like I do, or who would want him along with me.” She sniffled, and Trey wanted to wrap her up and tell her he’d been wrong.
“I guess I didn’t realize that someone would want himmorethan me.”
“I don’t want him more than you,” Trey managed to say, but the words were weak and soft coming out of his mouth. “I just—I got a little frustrated, that’s all. I’m allowed to be frustrated.”
“So am I.” She folded her arms, and Trey watched her wall herself off.
“Okay,” he said. “You don’t want me to take TJ for the afternoon, then?”
“No,” she said. “I’ll take care of my son. If he tries to come over there, you send him straight back here, do you hear me, Trey Chappell?”
“Yes, ma’am,” he said, ducking his head. She’d said once that if she didn’t text him, TJ didn’t have permission to be at Bluegrass Ranch. She hadn’t had to do that, because TJ had been taking the boy with him with her full knowledge and blessing.
“Thank you,” she said quietly.
“Beth,” Jake called from around the corner of the barn, and they both turned that way. “Found it.”
“Praise the Lord,” Beth said, moving toward Jake quickly. Trey watched her walk away and disappear around the corner of the barn. He suddenly had no idea what to do now. He had plenty of work to do at Bluegrass, and then he was to come back here and help Beth transfer hay from her hay barn to the loft in the stables so she could feed the horses for the rest of the winter.
She didn’t want his help with TJ. She likely wouldn’t want his help with the hay tonight. She didn’t want him anymore, and Trey wondered if she ever really had. As long as he even had that tiny inkling infecting him, he wouldn’t be able to stay here.
They’d agreed to pretend going into the marriage. He didn’t want to be pretending coming out.
He quickly went back to the house, finding TJ sitting on the couch with his game machine. The boy didn’t even look up at him, and Trey went past him to the mouth of the hallway. He turned back and looked at the dark-haired child, his heart positively tearing right in half.