“My darling girl. Please tell us.” I can’t do this.
“Mama I am fine. I just wanted you to know I am ok. I have to go. I will call soon, I promise. I love you both. Bye.” The phone falls from my hand and I drop to the floor with it and sob.
“Knock, knock.” Shoot. Did I fall asleep? Stretching, I see I am back in the bed. I vaguely remember crawling, leaving trails of tears behind me as I made it into the bed, buried my entire body under the covers and cried myself to sleep. “Aisling.” Crap. My body shoots up remembering what woke me.
Turning, I see Chiara at the door. “Hi.” I say lamely not sure what else to say.
“I didn’t mean to wake you but you didn't come down for lunch. I figured you were resting but Jozef will not be happy if you haven't eaten. Plus, we finally get some girl time.” She is literally bouncing on her feet with excitement. There is something contagious about her smile. It pulls you in and makes you want to believe in all things sparkly.
My stomach begins to rumble and then I feel guilty for not thinking of my baby sooner. “Just give me five minutes to get dressed and I will be down.”
“Yay!” She claps and closes the door.
I cringe at my appearance in the mirror once I make it to the bathroom. My eyes are puffy from the crying and my face is swollen like a fish wife. “That’s attractive.” I say to myself. Sighing, I try to make myself presentable. I wash my face and manage to get a brush through my thick Irish hair and into a ponytail.
Not in the mood to dress up, I decide to leave on what I have on. I throw on some sandals and walk out of the room. “Here she is.” Chiara says as I walk in. I am so busy marveling at her house that I don’t realize she is in front of me until I hear her voice. “Aisling you remember Jozef’s mom, Paulina.” Crap. I forgot she was close.
“How are you feeling?” She asks. Her eyes say she is sincere, but a mother and son relationship is different. Most girls are never good enough for their boys. My mom was the same with my brothers.
“I am fine, thank you. Just tried.” Chiara smiles and nods her head.
“Being pregnant is exhausting on the body. Plus with the added stress you have been going through, it is to be expected.” Shock fills my face at her knowledge of my situation. “I’m sorry. I thought you knew Jozef told me.” My head moves back and forth in protest. I had no clue. “There is not much my boys won’t confide in me. Especially when it comes to their personal life.”
“It’s true. I love my Jakub, but he is a total mama’s boy in the sweetest way possible.” Chiara pipes in, smiling ear to ear.
“Now, I am assuming my first grandchild is hungry, no?”
“Starving actually.”
“Then come. I have made Golabki, with a side of Bigos and Paczki.” I have no idea what she is talking about but if the aroma is any indication, it has to be delicious. “Sit, girls. I will serve you.”
She places plates filled with food I have never seen in front of Chiara and I before sitting herself. I lean over my plate and moan as my stomach begins to demand I fill it.
I have no idea how long we all have been eating in silence before Paulina sits back in her chair. “You must have questions for us.” She looks at me and wipes her mouth. My gaze turns to Chiara before going back to his mother.
“It’s ok, Aisling. Feel free to ask us anything.” Chiara says before stuffing the cabbage in her mouth. I am kind of at a loss for words. I have so many questions but I don’t want to offend anyone and say something I shouldn’t. Chaira's hand covers mine and she smiles putting me at ease.
“I don’t know. I guess I just wonder how you are not constantly scared. How do you get used to a life like this?” I feel horrible immediately after saying it. It sounds judgmental to my ears, but it is out there now.
“I am scared all the time.” Chiara says shocking the hell out of me. “All the time. Every time Jakub walks out the door I am terrified he won’t come home. The difference is, I was born into this life. My family is this life, so I have learned to channel that fear into something else.” That makes total sense, but not something I am sure I can do.
“Same here. I raised those boys on my own. Nurtured them, loved them and tried to show them there was more than the life of a mobster, but in the end, this is all they knew. My sons are brave, loyal warriors. They are fierce and protective, but they are also loyal and will love you unconditionally and without abandon. I raised them to respect women and to put their family above all others. What you have to ask yourself is if that is enough?” My cheeks are wet. Lines of tears falling down my face as her words penetrate my heart and subconscious battle.