Three months earlier I’d found myself in the unique position of being able to pick—once and for all—which of them I’d bind myself to for the rest of my life. I’d been human, and it was a clean slate. I could have spent my life with Desmond, a nice mortal life in the sun with babies and daylight and all the stuff I’d dreamed about having as a child.
Or I could have let Holden bite me. I’d have been a real, full-blooded vampire, no longer a freak of nature to the Tribunal, and I could have spent eternity with the beautiful man sitting in front of me.
So what did I do?
I made a Devil’s bargain with the fairy king to be returned to my old self. Meaning I was back to square one and no closer to knowing which of them I should be with.
I was like a kid in a candy store being told to pick between two delicious treats when I desperately wanted them both.
“Sorry,” I whispered, not sure if I was apologizing for spacing out or loving him. I just felt the need to apologize. “You were telling me about Maxime. ”
“I was. ”
“Why should I trust him?”
Holden gave the whiskey a thoughtful sniff. “Why should we trust anyone, really? I mean, what is trust but a leap of faith?”
“I like to think of it as more of a currency. ”
“I trust him. Is that enough for you to invest?”
I stuck my tongue out at him, having had my own analogy used against me.
Holden continued, “I think Charlie gave you an unfair opinion of my siblings. You can’t let one insane movie star taint your entire perception of Rebecca’s offspring. ”
“I’m getting a good idea of her type, though. ”
“Is that so?”
“Yup. Deceptively handsome and wily as hell. ”
He smirked. “You think I’m handsome?”
I rolled my eyes. “You’re missing the point. ”
“I never miss the point. You’re letting your experience with a rogue taint your opinion of an entire family line, and that’s not fair. Charlie was Rebecca’s first. I’m not saying I know much about the finer details of turning someone, but maybe something went wrong. Maybe she screwed it up. Or maybe he was just a fucking psycho in life. ”
Hadn’t I been thinking the same thing a day earlier? He was right, of course. I couldn’t assume every vampire sired by Rebecca would be the same as Charlie Conaway. Holden was noble, and good, even if he could be a giant pain in the ass. It wasn’t fair of me to question Maxime just because Rebecca had sired him.
After all—when push came to shove—I knew Holden would pick me over Rebecca.
But knowing my distrust was illogical wasn’t the same thing as changing my mind. Holden seemed to sense I was still hesitating because he set aside his glass and took both my hands in his. “Before I came to America there was a period of a few decades where it was just Maxime and me. Rebecca had gone off to make her mark in Spain with Charlie, and she’d left us—the weaker ones—behind in Paris. I can assure you with one hundred percent certainty Max will never, ever betray you. ”
“How can you be sure?”
“Because I told him what you are to me. ”
My hands went still, sweat pooling between my palms.
“And what is that?”
Holden leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss on my lips before speaking. “The love of my life. ”
Chapter Ten
Some girls probably got off on hearing they were the love of someone’s life. I was not one of those girls.
Yes, I did feel a flutter at his words, and yes I did love him back, but goddamn these men were not making things easy on me. Between Desmond thinking I was his soul-bonded mate, Lucas thinking I was his werewolf queen, and Holden proclaiming me the love of his life? Well, it was too much lovey-dovey stuff for me to handle.