Jaz touched my knee, and I turned to her. I could guess what she was thinking. Maybe Derek honestly could give Gretchen a better life than we could.
“Look, uh…” I grimaced and looked down, unwilling to even hear these words come out of my mouth. “Jaz and I want what’s best for Gretchen. If Derek can give her a better quality of life than we can… it’d break our hearts, but we’d give her up.”
“I’d give her only the best,” Derek said, a cutting smile on his face.
Tisha turned to my sister. “Amanda, you’re the biological mother. Your opinion counts more than anybody’s. What do you want for Gretchen?”
The look on her face said she wanted to be with Derek. “I… I want to hear more about Derek’s plans for if he got custody.”
“She’d have everything the Conway name could bestow on her,” Derek said without missing a beat. “All the best nannies. The finest boarding schools. A fast track to the best colleges in the nation.”
It sounded to me like we’d been defeated… but Amanda’s eyes narrowed at her ex-boyfriend. “Nannies? Boarding schools? Do you plan on spending any time with Gretchen at all?”
That threw him for a loop. “I—I’m busy, Amanda. I work. I have… projects.”
“Why do you want her so bad when you’re already planning how you’ll get rid of her?” Amanda asked hesitantly. “What projects are so important they’d keep you from seeing your daughter?” Derek went silent, and Amanda turned to us. “You two. How much time do you spend with Gretchen in a week?”
“All of it.” I shook my head. “When I’m not there, Jaz is, and vice versa.”
“Don’t get that look on your face, Amanda.” Derek’s voice betrayed suppressed anger. “Would you really rather Gretchen be raised by a couple of lesbian lovers than by a future senator?”
The four of us gaped at him. I was still focused on how he chose to label us as lesbian lovers when we’d just announced our intention to get married. Jaz, though—she was a step ahead of me.
“You’re planning to run for senate, Derek?”
“Not tomorrow, but down the road,” he said with a sneer. “I’m a Conway. It’s what we do.”
Jaz refused to take the bait. “Would you say you’re so eager to get Gretchen because you don’t want it known that you had a child out of wedlock? That you were a deadbeat dad who allowed her to be raised by a single mother, and/or her sister and her lesbian lover?”
Now it was all clicking for me. “This is all about appearances for you,” I said slowly.
“I tried to spare you from this,” Amanda told Derek. “I never wanted this to be an issue.”
“I know.” His voice went gentler than it’d been at any point today, and he moved as if he wanted to touch her arm, but stopped himself. “I appreciate that.”
“You know… I was never trying to trap you, but… it would solve everything if…” She trailed off.
Derek had understood enough. “That won’t be happening,” he said, placing his hand back in his lap. “You’ve shown yourself to be unstable. Disappearing for months, lying, telling stories… it’s not the material a senator’s wife is made of.”
Amanda looked at her lap, covering her face, her voice barely audible. “I did it for you.”
“That’s enough.” I stood up, slamming my hand on the table so the glasses of water shook. “You’ve come in here and insulted every member of my family but Gretchen. Conway or not, I won’t have it. We’ll never give that baby up.”
Amanda lifted her head slightly. “I’ll fight you for her,” she whispered to Derek.
An alarmed look on her face, Tisha waved her hands. “Everyone, settle down. Faye, please take your seat. We’re here to find a solution that works for everyone, remember?”
Derek’s face was cold. “The only solution that works for me is the one where that baby was aborted two years ago.”
I covered my mouth. Jaz looked similarly horrified.
And again, Amanda surprised me. “Why don’t we pretend that happened?” she asked, staring into her lap. “Derek, you don’t want Gretchen and she doesn’t want you. Forget she ever existed.”
“But when I run for senator…”
“No one will ever know.” Amanda dabbed at her eyes, speaking bitterly. “You’re not on the birth certificate. There’s nothing linking you to her. No one ever knew about you and me, anyway. You always preferred it that way.”
Instead of denying it, Derek huffed a laugh. “I was right, wasn’t I?”