“I’m sorry,” she said. “If this were music I’d have something more interesting to say.”
I shook my head. “No, I’m sorry. I’m not being very fun right now.” I drained my wine and suggested we go back for more. It felt somewhat pathetic to rely on alcohol to loosen my tongue, but I needed it, and Melany also seemed to be happy to drink more.
“I have a question,” I said, as we stared up at a large, gold-framed illustration of a pink duck wearing a tuxedo.
“Would I hang this in my house? The answer is yes.”
We both laughed, and I felt a little more at ease asking what was on my mind. “No… I wanted to know, what was your last relationship like? I told you all about mine, but you never talked about yours.”
“My last relationship,” she said, trailing off. “My last relationship. Well, I had a boyfriend for a month in high school.”
“A boyfriend,” I repeated, surprised.
“Yeah. I think it’s obvious why that didn’t work out. After that… I dated around in college. Never anything serious.”
“Seriously? So, you’ve never been in a real relationship before?”
“No, I suppose not,” she said.
“Why not?” Normally I wouldn’t have prodded, but the wine was definitely loosening me up.
“Well… success has always been the most important thing in my life. I put making my fortune above everything, and sacrificed a lot for it.”
“I see,” I said. “What is success? To you, I mean.”
“Greatness,” she said without a moment’s thought. “Greatness in anything you do will always lead to money. And money is my end goal.”
“So, having a lot of money is what you want?”
“That is a priority of mine, yeah.”
Greatness. That was the idea I’d been chasing after too, with my drumming. It was what I aspired to, and what I thought could bring me fulfillment. I’d wanted perfection. Now? Now I didn’t know. I guess all I wanted now was to be happy again.
“So, when will you know when you’re there?” I asked. “When will you be successful? I mean, I look at you and think, damn, this girl has her shit together. So where is that line?”
She looked at me with a puzzled expression, like she’d never considered the question before. “I… don’t know,” she said. She was quiet for a for a moment, lost in thought. “I’ve been questioning it all lately. I’ve charged after that goal like a horse with blinders on for so many years, never thinking about what I was doing until now.”
Melany, who’d seemed l
ike she’d never lack in self-confidence, suddenly looked embarrassed. She rubbed the back of her neck and chewed on her bottom lip. “The truth is that my business is not doing well. I knew my apps wouldn’t be profitable forever; that’s just not a realistic expectation. But I was certain that when that time came, I’d just have something new out making money. I had that confidence in my skills. Now, I’m not so sure. So, I wonder—what happens if I lose everything I have? Everything that’s made me, me?
“The other day, I met with an old friend from college. She was the one person who was on my level in school, the one person who was just as focused on the dream as I was. I was sure that even after we went our separate ways, she’d continue to do whatever it took to make her millions. Well, it turns out that she’s getting married, and she gave up on her business. She tells me that her priorities changed. That her fiancé became the most important thing in her life. Now she’s working for some company, on her way to an ordinary life. And you know what? I’d never seen her that happy before.”
“You say ordinary,” I said quietly. “But if she discovered what made her happy... Isn’t that extraordinary?”
“Yeah,” she said. “I’d just never before considered that anything in life could do that.”
“So, what? You gonna give up the business and search for new meaning?” I smiled at her.
“Hell, no. My business is as important to me as playing drums is for you. I could never give it up.”
“Maybe… you do need to do a little searching. Go back to the basics. Find out what really makes you happy. Then come back stronger.”
Melany looked at me, her gray eyes thoughtful. I wondered what she might be thinking about. After a few moments, she pulled out her phone to look at the time. “Oh, we should go outside. You gotta hear Kaitlyn and Brianne play, they’re really good.”
I nodded. “Sure.”
We filled our wine cups one more time, making sure to visit a different catering spot to avoid any judgement glares from the bartender, and made our way back outside. The cellist was packing away her instrument, and the audience chattered amongst themselves. Everyone was wined up and in a good mood. An older woman came up to the performance area, thanked the cellist, and took the hand microphone.