I could feel my heart pounding. I had just seen Kaitlyn standing in the frame of her apartment door, and she was talking to some girl. Seeing her talking to someone else had totally thrown me off.
But it was probably nothing, I told myself. She was probably delivering food or something… or maybe she was a friend of Ryan’s! But it couldn’t possibly be someone she was dating…
That was what my jealous mind went to first, though. I hadn’t spoken to her in weeks… she very well could be dating. I knew it was a little soon to date, but we had only been together one month, and Kaitlyn had dated me mere weeks after breaking up with her ex. And they had been together for years!
Still, I had no reason to suspect this was a new woman in his life. And what I heard come out of Kaitlyn’s mouth next assured me it wasn’t a new woman…
It was an old woman.
“Julia, you really didn’t have to do this,” Kaitlyn said.
Julia… the name rang out in my ear. I knew who Julia was, and my heart sank.
But Julia didn’t live in Rosebridge. They couldn’t be dating again, right? But why else would she be here? Why else would she come all this way… just, why?
“I wanted to,” Julia said softly, “I really wanted to.”
Kaitlyn sighed. “Julia, I just—”
It sounded like there was an end to that sentence, but she stopped talking abruptly. I didn’t want to be seen, but I couldn’t help myself. I peeked very slowly around the corner to see if they had walked inside. I didn’t know what I’d do if they’d gone in. I’d be all but sure they were dating again at that point.
But they weren’t inside. No, her sentence had ended abruptly for an entirely different reason…
Her lips were locked in Julia’s.
I immediately covered my mouth to suppress a gasp and hid back behind the hallway wall.
I felt like I was going to throw up. I just couldn’t fathom it… Kaitlyn was kissing her ex. I came to get her back, but she didn’t want to be got. She’d already moved on…
And it was all my fault.
I was going to burst into tears, I knew it in advance, and I had to leave. Because if I started bawling now, I wouldn’t be able to control myself. I’d start crying loudly, Julia and Kaitlyn would hear, and they’d very likely see me. I couldn’t have that.
So I suppressed my tears all the way until the elevator. But once those doors closed, the tears burst out. Thank god nobody was around to see me embarrass myself.
And once they started, they didn’t stop. I was crying all the way to my car. In fact, for a while, I just sat in my car and cried before forcing myself to put the keys in the ignition and pull away.
I had been ready to get rejected. I’d accepted that Kaitlyn might not be ready to forgive me, I knew that was a possibility.
But I’d never imagined this as a possibility. I’d never thought she’d move on already. How could she move on while I was still feeling totally, completely empty inside? These last few weeks had been hell for me. I’d had to study non-stop just to avoid thinking about her. And she was getting back with her ex.
God, why was I so shocked? They’d been together for years. I may have had a lot of feelings for her, since I’d been her rebound and all, but she did not have a lot of feelings for me. I’d just filled the void that Julia had left.
That was not what she’d said, not what she’d claimed, but now I knew better. I‘d been naïve when I’d believed I’d meant more to her than Julia had.
And I didn’t even have anyone to blame but myself. I was the one who’d chosen to leave her. I was the one who’d let a good thing go. I’d practically sent her running back into her ex’s arms. If I’d just held onto her, she would have one day loved me like she’d loved Julia. One day, we would have had time on our side.
But no, I’d given us only a month. I’d pushed her away. I’d ruined the one thing that had ever made me happy.
I hated myself for it.
17
Kaitlyn
“Julia?”
“Hey…” she said softly.