Again, she was right. Kaitlyn had flipped my entire world around. Everything I’d thought I’d known, everything I’d thought I’d felt, it’d all changed when I’d met her. And my values began to shift. I had always valued school above everything else, and no doubt it was important, but was it more important than love?
“But how could I even admit the mistake now?” I asked Abby. “It’s so late… I’ve already hurt Kaitlyn so badly…”
“Is that the only thing keeping you from admitting it was a mistake?” she asked. “Just that you’re afraid she won’t forgive you? Because, I’ve got to be honest, Emily, that doesn’t sound like a good enough reason. If you want to take it back, if you want her back, you have to at least try. What’s the worst thing that can happen?”
“She rejects me, hates me, says she never wants to be with me again…” I muttered.
“And? If you don’t try, she’s never going to be with you again, either. So, if you want her back, you might as well try.”
I did want her back. I never let myself fully admit it, but I wanted her back so damn bad. She meant the world to me. I could figure out the school thing along the way. Maybe we’d have to spend less time together, maybe I’d have to be more focused, but whatever!
I couldn’t live like this anymore… I couldn’t live without her.
“You’re right,” I told her suddenly.
She raised both eyebrows. “I
am?”
“Absolutely. If I don’t take the chance, I’ll never know. If she rejects me, I’m in the same position I always was in.”
“So, you do want her back?” she asked.
“Absolutely!” I nearly shouted. It was the first time I had admitted it out loud, and I could never deny it again. “Yes, yes, I really want her back!”
“Then go get her, tiger,” she said, grinning at me.
I jumped off the couch and went to slide on my shoes and grab my keys.
“Wait, right now!?” she asked. “I meant, you know, maybe give her a call and see if she wants to meet up…”
“No!” I yelled from the hallway. “No, I’ve got to just go see her myself! Right now, I’ve got to tell her.”
It was crazy how urgent it all felt now, considering moments ago, it hadn’t fazed me at all. I hadn’t even been sure I wanted to get back together with her. But now, I’d never been surer of anything in my life.
I guessed that was what happened when you finally confront your issues. You figured them out, figured out how you really felt.
I knew what I felt now.
“Bye!” I said quickly as I ran out the door.
“Bye, good luck!” Abby shouted back at me. I shut the door on her last word. I didn’t want to waste any time.
I hopped in my car and, admittedly, sped over to her place. I almost never sped, but I couldn’t help myself this time around. I needed to see Kaitlyn. I needed to see her now.
I couldn’t help but smile on my way over. I felt a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I knew Kaitlyn hadn’t agreed to get back with me yet. And at the moment, I didn’t need to.
Hell, even if she rejected me, there would be a weight off my chest. Because, for the first time I could think of, I’d dealt with one of my mistakes. And I felt okay about making one… it was something everyone experienced now and then.
I fucked up, I knew it, and I was going to do my best to make amends. If my amends weren’t enough, fine, I could live with that. I'd be sad, but I’d live. But not even trying? I absolutely couldn’t live with that. I had to at least try.
The sun was starting to go down as I pulled up at Kaitlyn’s place. The red gleam of the sunset was shimmering over the top of her building. It looked absolutely perfect, everything felt right.
This was right.
I parked and immediately ran into her building and to the elevator. It was a nice apartment complex, but not super fancy or anything. Kaitlyn’s friend Ryan had money, but apparently, he didn’t feel the need to chase luxuries, because it was mostly an ordinary place to live, from what I could see.
When I got to their floor, I ran down the hallway and made a right like I always had to get to her place. But once I turned the corner, I stopped in my tracks and took a few steps back so that I was once again hidden behind the adjacent hall.