Chapter Three
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Cami
I've been texting back and forth with a complete stranger for the past two weeks and I feel closer to him than I do to anybody else. Is that sad? Yeah, probably but it makes me feel better to hear my phone ding now. I know it’s not going to be just my parents berating me for trying to better myself or one of my professors bitching because I'm late with a project.
I think about how what happened a week ago caused all of this and think we might not have texted each other back if it hadn't. That one night of sharing might have been all we had. Fortunately, fate stepped in to make me look like a dumbass yet again. I was in a café trying to find some quiet time to study and in walks my super awful date from Friday night. I immediately put my head down hoping he wouldn't recognize me. I pick up my phone and text like an idiot but I send it to the wrong number again and instead of my roommate I text him.
Oh my God, that guy I told you about won't stop bothering me. He texts me all the time.
When my phone dings I dive for it because it's something to do.
I'm sorry. I guess I can stop if you want me to.
What the hell?!
Oh God no, not you. I did it again and mistext. I'm so sorry.
This the same guy who tried to grab your tits?
Yes! And he's in the same café I'm sitting in now. Is that coincidence or am I just paranoid? Oh shit!
Douche canoe just realized I was here. He's coming over. So much for getting out of this without being Douched on.
I take it he noticed you.
Yeah, so for the next five minutes you're going to be my pretend boyfriend - hope you don't mind.
I don't know what inspired me to pretend other than the wish to avoid a confrontation in the middle of a public place.
Want me to send you another picture?
I can't hold back my laugh at his offer which does not go over well with señor psychopants, who is now standing at my table waiting like I should put my life on hold for him.
Oh God no, I can only take so much embarrassment for one day. I think my face would be as red as the tablecloths in this place. Hey, maybe then I could blend in.
Ten minutes later and I hold my phone in sweaty hands as I go back to typing.
And he totally made a scene when I told him I was texting my boyfriend. He actually told me he was cool if all I wanted was a 'quick fuck in the bathroom'. I told him hell no and he started yelling at me calling me a cock tease. Eww, what the hell is wrong with men? I'm not a cocktease because I don't want to bang in the bathroom, am I?
Trust me Bunny, he is not a man. Real men don't do that kind of thing and I'm sorry as fuck it happened to you. Want to send me his name and let me handle it for you?
I'm afraid if I look up I’ll find people still looking at me. For a minute I almost take him up on his offer but he's just being nice. He might be in Alaska for all I know. What could he possibly do for me from there?
No hopefully him knowing I have a 'boyfriend' will be enough to drive the message home. But thank you. You aren't an assassin, are you? It kind of sounded like you could be one and I'm not judging you for your chosen career path but I don't make a good alibi I'll tell you that right now, upfront. Everyone can tell when I'm lying.
Why can't I meet someone like this guy? He's sweet, funny, and apparently hung really well from what I can tell from the picture - not that I look at it every night or anything. Alright, I totally do.
No, I'm not an assassin. Although I'm pretty sure I would deny it even if I were one. Isn't there like a creed I'm supposed to stick to or something? And I too do not make a good alibi. Guess we're both fucked if someone around us comes up missing, huh!
I send him a laugh meme before a thought sours my enjoyment at the simple pleasure of connecting with someone like him.
Whatever happened to the girl you were texting that picture to? It just hit me that I might be making trouble for you and that is not what I want at all.
It would also be kind of icky to be fantasizing about someone else's man. I mean this guy isn't a celebrity and I guess that is a little different. Still, if he's with someone I should probably get rid of the picture I've kept. Wait, did he just call me...? I have to go back several messages and reread to make sure I caught what I thought I did.
Bunny?