ChapterTwenty-Three
KRYSTAL
With Bryce basically refusing to see me, Monica fully up to speed on the fundraiser, and Mom insisting that I had no reason to stay, one week later, I wheeled my suitcase into the entryway of my mom’s house, waiting for the cab that would take me to the airport. I checked my watch. It would be here in about twenty minutes.
Mom poured a cup of coffee and set it at the table for me. She’d really started being self-sufficient in the last few weeks, and I felt okay leaving, knowing that Monica and Mom’s friends would be checking in often.
“Come on, have a seat.”
Sitting across from her, I studied my mom’s bright smile and slim figure. I wondered what had she given up. Would she have really made it in New York? Truth was that she would never know. And neither would I.
“Why didn’t you go to New York?” I asked the question quietly but clearly, knowing that I was throwing it out there from left field.
Mom’s expression became puzzled. “What do you mean?”
“I was up in the attic a few weeks ago, and I found your yearbooks. All the signatures talked about how you were going to go to New York to perform on Broadway. There was even a train ticket. But you didn’t go, did you?”
She shook her head. “No, I didn’t go.”
“Why not?” I remembered how set on LA I had been at eighteen. Nothing could have talked me out of going. Even Bryce.
“That was a long time ago, sweetie.” She shrugged. “Do you want to stay?”
I sagged. “I don’t want to regret not going after my dreams,” I said. “Like you do.”
Mom pulled back and frowned. “What about my life makes you think I regret my decision?”
I don’t know what I wanted her to say. On one hand, staying had meant marrying dad and having me. On the other hand, I wanted her perspective. I wanted to know that I would regret it if I didn’t take this opportunity.
“Come on, Mom. Youwantedto go to New York, and then you didn’t because of Dad. You’ll never know what could have been. Whatyoucould have been. You’ve always encouraged me to follow my dreams. But you never did, did you? Was it Dad? Did he not want you to go?”
Mom shook her head. “It wasn’t like that at all. Krystal, I bought that train ticket six months before graduation and told anyone who would listen about how I was going to go be a performer. It was my dream.” She smiled. “Then your dad happened. He wanted me to go. But I couldn’t. Ididfollow my dreams.”
I let my confusion show on my face, and she continued.
“My dreams changed, sweetie. That summer I found myself picturing the future. And it wasn’t a small New York apartment and a listing in a playbill. It was a house with a garden and a beautiful baby girl with delicate curls and her father’s eyes.” She reached out and cupped my cheek. “How could I regret the path that led me to you?”
I smiled. “That feels a bit like a copout answer.”
She laughed. “It’s not. I’ve never looked back at that potential path with more than a passing glance. Sometimes, it’s fun to wonder what if. It took me all summer to realize that my dreams were shifting. But don’t think for a second that I didn’t choose my heart’s desire. And that’s all I ever wanted for you.”
I nodded, grateful for her honesty.
“Thanks.”
“So, what’s all this about? Are you second-guessing yourself?”
“I’m not really sure. Maybe? You know Bryce and I were reconnecting. I thought maybe God was telling me it was time to move on. Leave acting behind. Especially when I didn’t get the part. And now… I have to go back, don’t I?” There was so much uncertainty in my voice.
“You don’t have to do anything, Krys. If you still want to go be an actress, then go do it. If you want to stay and see where things go with Bryce, then do that. Either way, you know I’m cheering for you and proud to call you my daughter.”
I smiled. “Even if I don’t move back to Minden and give you grandbabies?”
“Even if,” she confirmed. “I want you to build the life of your dreams. Like I did,” she added with an affectionate look around the small kitchen. “I wouldn’t trade a dozen Tony awards for the life I built here with your father. But I want you to be able to look back with the same certainty about the decisions you made.”
I acknowledged her wisdom with a hum. “Any advice on making the correct choice in the moment you need to?”
She smiled and patted my hand. “Pray about it. And don’t let your fears or your heart mislead you.”