Host a dinner where
you promise to serve harm-free
vegan macro bowls.
Do not brush off the
cat (or dog) hair you are most
surely covered in.
When girl remarks on
pets’ hair, say names are Vita
and Virginia.
I was serious
about that “My other ride
is your face” button.
Find an excuse to
take out your wallet so she
can see it’s empty.
Stand in a corner
and refuse to drink all but
low-calorie beer.
Stand in a corner
and incessantly sweep your
hair out of your eyes.
“Hi. I would like to
officially invite you
to join my coven.”
Introduce yourself
using the words “witch,” “poet,”
“grad school,” or “co-op.”
FOOLPROOF LESBIAN PICKUP LINES
Of course I read Cunt.