“Yes.” Fallen didn’t even try to hide her sadness that time, bowing her head until it was so low her nose nearly touched the ground. “I try to comfort the others when I can, but my compassion isn’t as strong as hers. She has the ability to feel every single wolf and their temperament all at the same time.
Her presence alone can calm most wolves so long as she shifts and runs with us from time to time.”
“But because it’s been several months?” I hedged, already knowing the answer.
“The other wolves have started to go over possible replacements.”
My heart dropped at that. “From where? The only other person in the pack who takes their role as seriously as Ash is you.”
“And it’s a position I’d never take away from her,” Fallen added quickly. “As much as I care for the pack, that’s no life for me. The health of the pack is always in the back of an Alpha’s mind, the needs of one wolf far outweighed by everyone else. I think that’s why Dani distanced herself before she… before…”
“It’s okay,” I soothed, leaning into Fallen when her voice broke. “I understand.”
“It’s hard for the mate of any Alpha to understand the burden she carries. The mating bond makes it so Dani craved her attention even more. Their bond strengthened Ash in ways you could never imagine, but dividing her time between Dani and the rest of us wasn’t something she’d expected to do.
While she did her best to see to everyone’s needs, Dani’s desire to be with her mate was ignored.”
I swallowed hard. “Does this apply to all wolves?”
“No. Those who take on the mating bond within the pack are given far more freedom to run with their mate and be present with them. But because of Ash’s responsibilities to the pack, any bit of intimacy she and Dani might’ve had was interrupted by pack matters or some other task she couldn’t ignore.”
“Is that why you haven’t spoken to me in a few days?” I asked, immediately wishing I could take the words back. “I’m sorry. That sounded selfish. It’s just—”
“For you, everything is new,” she said, pressing her shoulder against mine. “Think of it like your first run. I warned you to pull back but you couldn’t help yourself. In time, the attention your wolf craves will become tolerable.”
“Until this bond happens.” If it happens. I kept the last bit to myself.
A part of me felt as though she was trying to push me away. It wasn’t like anyone would hear us all the way out here, so was it regret that held her back or was it because of Ash?
“It will be different for us,” Fallen said, pulling me from my thoughts, “but new love is always complicated.”
“Then why say it at all?” I asked, getting to my feet as my paws begged me to run again. “The other day, you could’ve reprimanded me, you could’ve said I was wrong.”
“But you weren’t,” she said, her voice level.
“Then why string me along like this? Why tell me at all?”
“Because as much as you want to run right now, that’s how desperate I was to tell you. The urge will calm down, but only so much. Listen, I know I haven’t been present these last few days, but that’s what needs to be done. Ash’s place within the pack depends on it.”
“How?” I bit out. “How could our bond ever have anything to do with her?”
“It could break her. Yes, you are your own wolf, but you still carry Dani’s heart in your chest. Ash realizes you aren’t
one and the same, but there’s still some part of her that’s drawn to you. Until we can find a way to tell her without an upset, I think it might be best—”
I couldn’t take her excuses anymore. “Fine. Do whatever you want. It’s for the Alpha, right? So I need to do it anyway.”
I was letting my temper get the better of me, but I didn’t care.
I understood where she was coming from, but if she knew this was all going to be an issue, she never should’ve said anything in the first place.
“I think I would’ve preferred unrequited love to this. At least I’d know where I stand.” I turned away from her before I could say something I’d regret.
“Jo, I—”
“Forget it. I’m going for a run.” Alone. The words never left my lips, and as I walked away, a small part of me thought she might join me. In the end, she sat at the edge of the trees long enough to watch me go before retreating into the manor again.
Deep down, I knew she was right. In time, my desire to be with her at all hours of the day would pass. Until then, I’d have to keep my distance.