I usually keep our kisses PG in public, but I make it a point to go all out on this one. Chance’s lips fit mine like a mold, his fingers tilting my chin backward for deeper access. He’s a great kisser. Truly. But I still open my eyes mid-kiss, searching for Finn somewhere in the crowd.
Stop.
Close your eyes.
Be in the moment.
But I can’t.
I keep my eyes open until I find him giving us the death stare by the bonfire.
Is Chance right?
Did he come back for me?
Dia, close your fucking eyes.
Still, I stare at Finn while another boy kisses me. I stare at my ex while Chance slips his tongue inside my mouth, and a raw edge of self-hatred burns within my chest. My body tingles everywhere when Finn’s lips curl into a knowing smirk.
Shit.
He saw me staring at him.
What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I look away? It feels like my brain is being attacked by memories. In a flash, I’m back in the dark wine cellar where Finn stole my first kiss. I can almost feel his tattooed arms lifting me up and bracing me against the wine rack before placing a bruising kiss on my mouth. Then I’m transported back to the Richards’ library on the night where we slept together for the first time.
“How does it feel to know no one is ever going to fuck you but me? All your firsts are mine, you hear me? All. Fucking. Mine.”
His voice is all I can hear.
“You’re the only fucking thing that matters to me. I’d die for you, Dia. I’d kill for you. Tell me you know that.”
Stop.
Stop.
Stop.
Get out of my head.
I pull away from Chance in record time, my mind swamped with moments I swore to forget, and the lust in my boyfriend’s eyes morphs into confusion.
“Everything okay?” Chance reaches for my hand, but I remove it from his grasp.
“I… Yes, I’m fine,” I stammer, my chest heaving up and down. “I’m just…”
Think of something.
“Cold,” I improvise.
He nods, but he’s not convinced. “You left your jacket in my car two weeks ago. It’s still there if you want it.”
A walk sounds pretty damn good right now. Might help set my mind straight.
“Would you mind giving me your keys so I can go get it?”
“Sure.” He plucks his keys out of his pocket.
I take them. “Thanks, you’re a lifesaver.”