Did I push Dia away?
When I dropped her things at her house?
I thought I was doing the right thing, setting her free while I work my shit out. I wanted to spare her having to wait for me. I realized it wasn’t fair to her. I managed to convince myself that I was being brave. But now that I think about it…
Maybe I was being a coward.
No.
Fuck no.
I didn’t come here to second-guess myself. I came here to face my past. The last thing I need is Mr. Inspirational Quote making me doubt everything.
“Please leave,” I drawl.
“If you ever want to make a change, pay us a visit.” The man hands me a card, and I look at it briefly before shoving it into my pocket. It’s a card for AA meetings. The asshole is basically calling me an alcoholic.
“Sure, now leave,” I repeat.
This time, he complies. I wait for his silhouette to shrink before crawling into the boat’s cockpit. I debate on starting the engine for a while, my thoughts a jumbled, chaotic mess. In a moment of weakness, I check my phone to see if Dia answered my messages.
No signal.
Shit.
Whatever. I doubt that she texted me, anyway. She must hate me for making the decision she couldn’t. And it’s just as well. She might’ve talked me out of going out there alone, and I need to do this. Whatever happens next is between me and that fucking lake.
No one else.
I spend the next ten minutes filling up on liquid courage and prepping for departure. I drink until I can’t think of a single reason why I shouldn’t get this over with. I’m about to leave the shore when my eyes linger on the boat’s name written above the control console.
Nora.
“Let’s finish this, Mom,” I whisper to myself.
Then I fire up the engines.
The boat’s barely moved an inch when I hear something. A voice. It sounds distant, almost like a product of my imagination, and I tell myself I’m just that drunk. Until the voice slices through the wind a second time, and I step out onto the main deck. The end-of-day sunrays blur my vision, and I squint, lifting my hand to my forehead to block the light.
It takes me a moment to see her.
Dia…
Running down the docks at top speed and shouting something I can’t hear. Fuck, how did she even find me? The closer she gets, the clearer her message becomes. I make out what she’s saying a second later.
Finn, don’t.
Don’t what?
Don’t fight for us?
I need to do this if I’m going to have any chance of happiness with this girl. I’ve been running from this lake for ten years. It ends now.
“Stay back.” My throat burns, the implications of her actions made fuzzy by the liquor coursing through my veins. “Dia, don’t fucking do it.”
A few feet separate us now. With every step she takes, the boat moves away from the shore, but it’s so damn slow I’m afraid she’s going to catch me in time.
No, no, no.