Finn’s mouth falls open at the sight of me. “Dia…”
But I’m already charging down the hall toward my car. I wish he didn’t follow me, but the fucker is fast, and I’m having a major case of déjà vu as I hurry over to the door.
“Dia, wait,” I hear him beg, his footsteps closely matching mine. “Fuck, just… you have to let me explain.”
We’ve done this before.
The begging, the broken heart, the “I can explains.”
I know how this story ends.
And I’m not up for a replay.
Just as my hand grips the car handle, Finn stops behind me. I open the door, ready to bolt, but he stretches his arm around me, his palm finding my window to slam the door shut.
“I didn’t mean that,” he immediately word-vomits. “I know it was a fucked-up thing to say, but the asshole got in my head, and I—”
“No,” I cut him off.
He pauses.
“No?” he asks.
I turn to face him. “I’ll do the talking this time.”
Finn stumbles back a step.
“Say that I believe you. That Brody really got in your head and that was just your ego talking, it still doesn’t change the fact that you made it sound like I was nothing to you.”
“I’m so sorry—”
“I’m not finished.” I put him in his place, and while I may appear confident and strong from the outside, on the inside, I’m falling apart. “I gave you a chance to figure things out, but I’m starting to realize… you’re not working on your issues. You’re running from them.”
Finn’s jaw muscles twitch, his gaze packed with guilt.
“I’m sure you have a good reason to be scared of commitment. You’ve been through a lot, and I can’t blame you for needing time. But I don’t even know what I’m waiting for anymore.”
His puppy eyes reduce my confidence to ashes. “Dia…”
“I feel like I’m constantly begging you to want me, and I… I’m tired, Finn.”
“You don’t have to beg me to want you.” He steps closer. “Dia, it’sall I fucking do. Don’t you get it? I’m changing. I’m becoming better. You make me want to be better.”
“Maybe that’s the problem,” I say.
His mouth falls open.
“Maybe you need to want to be a better person for yourself.”
“What are you saying?” He fails to conceal his voice crack.
“I’m saying you want me to heal you so that you don’t have to do it yourself. It’s like you only want me when you’re hurt or miserable.”
“False.” Finn shocks me by moving closer and caging me in against my car. A strand of his brown hair hanging in front of his eyes, he braces his hand on top of the vehicle. We’re so close I can smell his cologne.
“I want you when I wake up, when I go to sleep, when I’m in a room full of my friends, having a good time. I want you when I’m playing basketball, doing what I love most. I want you every second of every day, and I’m never going to stop.”
Don’t cry.