Then it starts to creep in.
This really happened.
My knees fumble at the thought, and my entire body begins to shake. I spin to look at Finn, and the look on his face… That shit rips my heart up into a million pieces.
He’s pale, his hand limp in mine, with his mouth hanging open as he stares at the massive hole where the bridge once stood.
It’s hitting him, too.
He almost died.
For real, this time.
After playing with death for ten years, he finally got his wish.
I’m furious at him for putting himself in this situation in the first place, but it doesn’t even come close to the worry I feel for him.
“Are you okay?” I’m still sobbing as I clutch his face between my hands and scan him for an injury. Meanwhile, the cut on my arm is bloody and stinging like a motherfucker, but I can’t bring myself to care.
As though he’s in some sort of trance, Finn doesn’t speak or acknowledge me, staring blankly ahead of him.
Then he falls to his knees in the dirt.
I wonder what to do for a bit but quickly drop to my knees as well, positioning myself in front of him so he has a clear view of me rather than what’s left of the bridge.
Under the moon and distant town lights, I swear I can see part of his demons burst into flames. My tears pick up again, my body making a decision my brain didn’t get a chance to veto. Without a warning, I throw my arms around his neck, mesh my body to his, and hug the hell out of him.
I hug him so hard I’m surprised he’s able to breathe, but he doesn’t push me away, stiff in my arms.
I’m not even the tiniest bit offended that he doesn’t reciprocate the hug. If anything, I only hold him tighter, giving up my pride entirely so that he knows he’s not alone.
He doesn’t welcome my embrace, and I eventually take the hint, but as soon as I start to move away, his arms close around me and he hugs me back.
He holds me to his chest for dear life, one of his hands darting to the back of my head as he nestles his nose in the crook of my neck and inhales sharply.
We stay in this position for long seconds—two kids hugging in the dirt next to a collapsed bridge in the middle of the night.
Yes, I know it’ll take a lot more than a near-death experience to completely heal this guy. To put an end to his self-destructive behavior. But tonight, he chose to hold on instead of letting go. Tonight, he chose to live in a world where his mom isn’t.
And it’s not perfect…
But it’s a start.
* * *
Finn
The grass is wet when I plop down on the ground in my backyard. Normally, I’d pass on freezing my balls off, but my clothes are already drenched from getting caught in the rain.
Worst-case scenario, the flu knocks me on my ass for a few days, and I get a break from the train wreck that’s my own head.
Sounds like a win to me.
It must’ve started hailing less than two minutes after we pulled ourselves off the ground and decided to head back to Lacey’s. The woods were cold and gloomy, but I much preferred the darkness over having to look Dia in the eyes.
She saved me.
She saved my fucking life.