Chapter Eight
Exhaustionturnedmybodyto lead, sticking my eyelids together and weighing my limbs into my worn-out mattress. Surviving on only a couple of hours of sleep was never my thing. With nowhere to go, I tried to stay in bed and drift off into another filthy dream, but the excitement thrumming through me demanded I stand up and face the day. I peeled my heavy lids back and checked my phone to see if Mason texted me.Mason, a shiver went through me as I thought his name.Nothing yet,I groaned to myself.
I showered slowly, taking more time with my sensitive areas than expressly necessary. The business casual attire I decided on was silly, considering I had nowhere in particular to go, but I hoped that if I acted as I did, my motivation would catch up to my ensemble. I needed to update my resume, but the thought of admitting to that total disaster didn’t appeal to me.Ugh, why can’t I just magically have another job?My downstairs neighbor smacked a broom into his ceiling, irritated with my stomping around.
I brokered a deal with myself; update the resume and print a few copies to bring to potential interviews and consider the day productive. I forced myself to sit down and type in the information from my last employer. Each letter I struck on my keyboard stung a little, but I pushed the rage and shame out of my mind. These feelings wouldn’t help me, just hurt me and embarrass me when I should move on.
I saved the document and sent it to myself. Printer ink never made it on my shopping list, so a trip to the library was in order. My neck got all hot and uncomfortable at the slim possibility of finding Mason there again, but I doubted it; he had to work, and I couldn’t be that lucky three times. At least I could visit the basement books. With all the tumult and upheaval, I needed something that felt safe.
The summer burned out faster than usual. July had been boiling, but August was cool by comparison. The air swelled hot and thick, like the season sensed its numbered days and hoped to take full advantage of the time remaining.
The air clung to my skin, mixing with my sweat, and I truly regretted my choice of outfit. A sundress would be much more comfortable than a sensible skirt and button-down blouse. My hair expanded with the charge of faint electricity promising a thunderstorm.
A few black clouds gathered tightly overhead as I arrived. I stepped through the door in time to catch the first few drops hitting the pavement. The smell of the wet concrete and the books mixed, triggering a memory I didn’t know I had. An image of a field trip to a museum I took in elementary school filled my mind and senses. The vividness surprised me.
Pulling myself out of my daze, I headed for the basement stairs. There was no rush to print my resume, and I couldn’t just pass by without saying hello to my old friends. Right as my foot landed on the first step, a commotion at the circulation desk stopped me. The skylights in the ceiling revealed a black rolling sky, the rain unleashed from the clouds, pounding mercilessly against the glass. The fluorescent lights cast an odd, contrasting glow while a man and a woman stood there shouting at one another.
Watching was rude, but I couldn’t help myself. The library was usually such a quiet place. I tucked myself into a corner and realized I recognized her as the librarian. My envy for her cropped up more than once over the years, but the emotion seemed silly now. The man she argued with was in his mid-fifties with dark, graying hair and small, somber eyes. She looked a little older than him—if I had to guess—with fluffy blonde hair and winged glasses.
Her hands waved violently in the air. “I’m sick of this shit, Gavin. I won’t involve myself in it any longer.”
He glanced around, making sure no one watched them. I couldn’t hear his next remarks, but his gestures begged her to calm down and speak more quietly. “Eileen, listen, we can make some adjustments,” his soft voice echoed down the hall.
He wasn’t done speaking, but she cut him off. “I quit, Gavin.” He said something else to her in a hushed tone. They were not the words she wanted to hear. Her hands flew up in frustration and smacked against her thighs as she turned around and stormed out of the library. Her kitten heels made a clomping noise that echoed behind her. She didn’t even pause when confronted with the torrential downpour, which revealed something about the gravity of their argument. Gavin lifted a hand like he might try to stop her, but dropped it when he thought better.
I stood stock-still, shaking with anticipation. This was the opportunity I scarcely hoped to dream of. The pouring rain threatened to sweep the library away, taking my ambitions along with it. I could turn around now, go to the basement, even run home and forget this all happened. Avoidance would be true to form, typical to keep my mouth shut, lay in my bed miserable, order Indian food, and masturbate to the pictures of Mason. Letting this opportunity slide by would be all too simple.
I didn’t want to be that person anymore. I wasn’t naïve, and I knew changing my life wouldn’t be so easy as one good decision. He might laugh me out of this library, but I had to try. This was the only chance like this I would ever have. I walked up to Gavin, thanking divine providence that I showered and dressed up today. I took a deep breath as I waited for him to notice me standing in front of him. He dropped his face into his hands and I cleared my throat.
He jumped despite the gentle sound. The stress of the situation crumpled his lined face. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t see you there. How can I help you this morning?”
Pushing my hair back, I squared my shoulders. “I hate to intrude, but I noticed you have an opening for a librarian. I would like to apply for the position.”
Confusion and annoyance flashed in his tired eyes, but I held my ground. “I’m sorry, miss, but in order to be a librarian you need-”
“A master’s in library science.” I interrupted him with a smile. People rarely knew about the degree it required. “I have one. I’m also timely, a hard worker, and well acquainted with your institution.”
He blinked at me, surprised; the wheels turned as he appraised me. This wasn’t the best time to get an answer from him, but if I waited to apply in the usual fashion, I would be up against more qualified candidates. I needed to take advantage of the situation. “Do you have any experience beyond your schooling?” My age influenced the question.
“Not in a library, specifically, no.” I said the words like they mattered little. “But I have experience with database development for the city.” It was a bit of a stretch, but I compiled and structured the entire city records prior to them going digital. The task was extensive, which is why the temporary position lasted eight months.
“Do you have a resume?”
I almost laughed, thanking the fates I finished it before I came. “I can print my resume for you.”
He nodded. “I’ll give it a look and if I like what I see, I’ll give you an interview.”
“Thank you, sir.” I stuck out my hand, and he shook it. The gesture surprised him, or perhaps it was the entire situation. I moved quickly, trying to capitalize on this rare opportunity. I read my latest addition once again to ensure I left no glaring error that would make me seem incompetent. The paper rested in his hands in less than five minutes, and I went to sit in a plush armchair near the circulation desk.
The nonfiction section surrounded me, and I eyed the books skeptically. I preferred fiction. He walked to the back, not even glancing at it. My teeth tore into my nails, biting them down to stubs. After I waited for forty-five minutes, I started looking through books, reading blurbs and making a mental list of all the ones I could read before I got evicted.
The image of him sitting in the office waiting me out left a bitter taste in my mouth, and I snapped a book back into place with more force than necessary. I couldn’t blame him for not hiring me, but politeness demanded he told me that himself instead of expecting me to scurry away with my tail tucked between my legs. I wasn’t giving up though, and I would wait here all day if I had to.
Another twenty minutes passed. I found a book I liked and started the third chapter when the clearing of a throat made me jump. Gavin stood in front of me with a skeptical expression on his pinched face. “I’ve looked over your resume and called your references and past employers. I worry that your lack of experience will be a hindrance, but you came highly recommended.”
My boss at City Hall giving me a rave review came as no surprise. He always liked me and thought I did my job well. I tried hard to stay in the moment and not drift back to the day he took it all away.It wasn’t his fault, I gently reminded myself.
I couldn’t say the same for Sandra. Her giving me a good reference more than shocked me. I only included the position because the gap in employment was too wide to explain without some questions. Perhaps the potential for a lawsuit really frightened her. A tiny part of me hoped that she actually meant the things she told him.