38
Jaromir felt sick, but he choked down air and waited for it to pass. He'd be fine. He'd always been fine before.
But he hadn't hurt his mate like this before. He needed to be better, to be the best mate he could be, and old habits had risen up around him before he could stop their grip. Eating was difficult. It had been for years, since he'd started working at the pillow rooms, but he'd had it under control until recently. Now ... he was struggling.
The food in his stomach wanted to come back up as Isak led them out of the city and into the rolling green hills and farmland around Eosantha. Or ... what had been green hills and rich farmland.
"What the hell?" Maia demanded, staring at the blackened fields of dead wheat and the brown grass covering the hills.
"Call me paranoid," Kheir said close beside Jaro, "but this seems saint-related."
Ark stiffened, inhaling sharply. "Farms—grain."
Jaro didn't know what that meant, didn't know anything. What use was he to everyone here? Even Bryon contributed with his magic and brute strength. All Jaro could do was lay on his back and get fucked.
"Samlyn," Ark said emphatically, imploring them all to understand. "The saint of food, grain, and survival."
Jaro was very aware of Maia going still beside them, a fae stillness that warned of deep emotion.
"So there are two of them here," she said. "Maybe more."
Jaro wanted to do something, wanted to be valuable to her the way the others were. There was one thing he could do, but it was small, and he wasn't sure how much it would be worth to her.
"All the more reason to find a way to fix the saints' circle. Or break it entirely," Azrail said, a muscle fluttering in his jaw and his dark blue eyes sharp with a look that foretold trouble. Jaro had always groaned when he saw that look, and shot Zamanya a pleading look to convince Az to be cautious.
Fuck, he missed her. It had been the three of them against the world for so long, and Jaro hadn't been without both his friends for years. Even when everything else went to hell, and work left him curled up in a shaking ball, he could go home to Zamanya and Azrail, and Evrille would make a snarky comment to draw laughter from him, then pass him a healing concoction without a comment or question.
He wanted to gohome.
But he'd follow Maia anywhere, even if her path led him to a broken saints' circle.
"We should reconsider," Ark said, looking at all of them. Jaro shied away from the guard's gaze, the sense that he saw too much and knew everything in his heart and mind a terrifying one.
"Not a chance," Maia snarled. "We're finding Vawn, and Az is right; we need to shut the whole thing down, one way or another. Lead on, Isak."
Jaro's brother heaved a sigh and trudged down the hill towards the dead farmlands, stabbing the ground with his walking stick on every step.
"Maia," Jaro rasped when they reached the bottom of the hill. It had taken him endless minutes to work up the courage, his body cold despite the sticky heat in the air. "Can I speak to you?"
Maia shot him a worried look but covered it with a tentative smile. "What's wrong?"
"What I said last night," he whispered, his heart thumping his ribs at her full attention. He made sure no one else could overhear, the two of them hanging back, and added, "About … Bryon."
Maia's eyes swung to Bryon's back, narrowing with dislike.
"Actually," Jaro said in a rush, "it's nothing. Forget I spoke."
"Jaro," Maia said, a deep furrow between her eyes. "Talk to me. If he's said something to you, you know I'll stab him in the dick."
Jaro winced at the imagery, and Maia's mouth flickered with a hint of a smile. He'd done something right for once, even if he'd done it accidentally. He'd made her almost smile. But he knew her smile would fall when he told her what he'd seen.
"Do you remember what I said?"
"That you think the asshole's my mate," she sighed. "Yeah, I remember."
"This morning when—" He swallowed. He was far from a prude, andneverself-conscious when it came to speaking about sex, but he was so aware of the fact he'd been an interloper. He wasn't supposed to feel the rush of heat and relief when she came—each timeshe came. It connected him to her in a way he wasn't sure she wanted. "Tell me to stop talking, I don't want to make you uncomfortable."
Maia caught his arm, worry in her golden eyes when she peered up at him. Ahead, Ark stopped walking, watching them from the corner of his eye but not intruding. Jaro admired the man more than he could ever put into words.