I think to myself, do addicts share their drugs? The only time that I think they do, is when they’re trying not to be addicted. I'm addicted, so I don't want to share.
If she’s my drug of choice- let all others find their own, including Mattheo.
I stand from my chair and puff my chest out. I realize that I’ve hidden myself in my office for almost three hours now, just contemplating and thinking this situation over.
She's worth the contemplation and thought.
I really would like to know what the fuck she wants. Does she want us both? Could I live with that? Could Mattheo?
He doesn't strike me as the kind of guy who wants to share his investments. I know he has a keen interest in Alexa just like I do, given our prior agreement.
But it can't be 'the best man wins.'
Not anymore. Alexa has stated multiple times that she can't decide between the two of us.
Can't …or won't?
I won't let that one go so easily. Maybe it’s a situation where she’s trying each of us out to see who’s better.
But then why would she look at me like that last night?
Maybe I can learn to tolerate being in the presence of Mattheo for her sake. Maybe he can too.
I sigh again and plop back into my chair. Turning to face out the window of the skyscraper, I look across the bay and wonder what I’m supposed to do.
With my feelings, with her feelings.
Damn. I don't know.
It brings another thought to light. What do I really want? It isn'tthatbad with Mattheo there- I mostly ignore him and focus on what I can do between Alexa and me.
She seems pretty pleased- especially this morning. She was glowing. Come to think of it, I haven't seen her so radiant, so content, maybe ever.
We all did that.Together. The three of us.
Maybe this warrants another discussion. Maybe this is something we can do, tolerate.
I hang my head and sigh.
I really don’t know.