“So…” I start as I keep looking at both of them, letting the conversation fall quiet so I can buy myself some more time. “Maybe we should talk?”
“About?” Jonah asks as he looks me in the eye. I try to look away and find some courage somewhere. It turns out I seem to think the courage is somewhere in the pocket of my jeans, because that’s where I’m fidgeting with my fingers. I take a deep breath and just start talking.
“I just don’t want to lead you guys on. I’m really trying not to look for anything serious and somehow being with all you guys is making me have fun and I don’t want to pick between you. As a matter of fact, I don’t want to pick at all.”
“Who’s saying anything about picking? Or leading us on? Are we acting like we care you’re not just being with one of us? Because I sure as hell am fine with having a little fun and not giving a name to what it is we’re doing, besides having fun. And you’ve been really clear about your intentions from the start. You spent your whole adult life in some kind of relationship, and you don’t want that right now. I can respect that,” Jonah says matter-of-factly.
“I’m right there with you, not looking for anything serious Mor. Love can suck it.”
It’s not the first time I hear the deeper meaning of those words from Dean. I have to remember to talk to him about it when we’re alone sometime. Something happened to make him hate love and I want to know what it is, so I can understand him better.
While I do hear what they’re saying, I don’t really understand it. From what I understand, they try to make me see they don’t care that I’m sleeping with them both and they don’t want exclusivity from me. But that can’t be right, now can it? That’s just not what people do.
“So you don’t care?” I ask sheepishly as I try to wrap my head around what they’re actually telling me.
Dean shrugs and Jonah shakes his head.
“Really?” I say even more confused than when we started this conversation.
“Why complicate a good thing, when we’re all adults and having fun? I can’t offer you anything else than what I’m offering right now. And I don’t care who else you want to have fun with. Certainly not Dean. So don’t make things so fucking complicated and just go with it.”
Dean stands behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. “You had no trouble letting go when we were in that dark room. So what’s the difference now?”
He’s asking really good questions. And they’re both making really good points. Fuck, I need more girl time with Meggy, and she needs to teach me her ways. She probably has the answers I don’t have. Because I can’t tell what the difference between the dark room and now is. Besides the obvious light of course.
“You don’t know, do you?” he says with his mouth close to my ear. The sound of his voice does things to me. The muscles in my lower abdomen tighten and I squeeze my thighs close. Even if I wouldn’t have liked Dean, his voice would have been able to do all kinds of naughty things to me.
“No,” I whisper.
“So why don’t you just let go, baby.”
He starts kissing my neck, sending shivers down my spine and I lose all the thoughts in my head.
“We were kind of in the middle of something when Jonah walked in. I seriously don’t give a flying fuck he walked in. Do you?”
His hands stroke over my belly to the hem of my shirt, giving me goosebumps and I want him to touch more of me. One of his hands slips under it and he touches my stomach.
“No,” I whisper again.
“Do you mind?” he asks Jonah, who’s still standing just a few feet away. I focus on Jonah to see what his reaction will be. We were in a situation like this in Dominium. The only difference there is, is that I couldn’t see anything then, but I can now. With wide open eyes, I watch the boy that became my friend and then evolved into something more, something different, as he comes closer.
His hands grab my face as he looks me straight in the eye. His brown eyes are hooded, but also full of emotion. “I don’t mind.”
I can’t explain what happens at that moment, but I just let go. Maybe it’s because I’m safe between these two men - these two creatures that ooze sex. I could just be with them and let go, while not losing myself. They’re edgy but still secure and I would hand over my soul to them without blinking an eye. How peculiar.
Jonah gives me a kiss that’s so dirty, I would be blushing if I was seeing what was happening from a distance. It’s then I finally close my eyes and I create my own darkness. It’s filled with excitement and life. It’s butterflies and sparks - all full of just plainly being very much alive. It’s fucking perfect.
With one hand I grab Jonah’s hair, while my other hand reaches around and grabs Dean’s ass, pulling him closer to me. His firm chest and his hard cock are pressed against my back, and I need him to be closer. I feel like a queen, knowing that it’s me that has gotten him this hard.
When Jonah’s hand cups my breast and starts to massage it, I softly moan. I want them both to touch me everywhere. I want all four hands on me and to give me all the sensations I can get. I surprise myself by understanding so clearly what it is that I want. I’m not even ashamed of it and that’s very empowering.
My head falls back on Dean’s shoulder as his mouth finds my ear again and he starts talking. I never knew dirty talking would be such a turn on for me. I always thought it was a little weird when I read about it or saw it in a movie. But the real deal is something different and makes me excited.
“You make me want to touch you all over. All the time. I want to kiss your perfect tits and see how your body responds to it. I want to make you moan and make you squirm and know that I’m the one that’s doing it to you.”
He voices things I’ve only ever thought before, never having said them out loud. Jonah kisses his way down from my neck to my cleavage and his mouth finds the way to the mound of my breast. Somewhere in my mind I try to figure out if it’s not weird for the both of them to be in this situation together. To both be touching me and know I’m responding to the other as well. But I try to let go and not worry about what they possibly might be thinking. I’m not a psychic, so I can’t possibly know what they mean anyway.
Dean’s hand slides down beneath the shorts I’m wearing and reaches the edge of my panties. I want him to slide his hand beneath it, I want him to touch me and go there and cross the line while Jonah is also here.