Colby
I’m settled on my couch with an almost overflowing cup of coffee and a stack of paperwork that I have to fill out. The school board administration has been on my tail about getting it done for days. I haven’t been able to get to it because almost every free moment I’ve had has been spent with Norah. And I’m not complaining about that one bit. I never thought I’d be a fool in love, but here I am, owning it. Now I feel bad for all the times I’ve ragged on Jameson and Seth for being wrapped around Millie’s and Hannah’s little fingers. I am firmly in the whipped club.
I take a sip of my coffee, effectively scalding my mouth, and pick up the first page from the stack on the coffee table when my doorbell rings. I don’t know who it is. I have zero plans with anyone today. It’s probably just a solicitor coming to try to sell me a security system or a vacuum.
I stand up and stretch my back, and I walk to the door, prepared to shout at whoever is there to scare them away. But it’s not a solicitor at my door. It’s Norah. And she doesn’t look happy to be here. In fact, she looks downright miserable.
I grab her arm and pull her inside, out of the cool morning air. “Are you okay? What’s happened?” I ask as I kick the door closed behind me. She nestles her face into my chest, and I prop my chin on top of her head, breathing in her fresh scent. I have no idea what’s going on or why she’s here, but I want to comfort her. I want to be the person she runs to when she has a problem and she needs someone to listen or simply hold her. I’m glad she came to me with whatever this is.
I place a kiss on her head and guide her to the couch. “I just made a pot of coffee. Do you want some?” I ask.
She shakes her head no and mumbles, “Why must you be so wonderful?” I tilt my head to the side, now thoroughly confused. Does she not want me to be wonderful? Should we go back to hating each other and fighting? I’m not sure what to say, so I sit and wait for her to tell me why she’s here.
She pushes off me and scoots to the opposite end of the couch. My arms feel achingly empty now without her in them. I take a sip of my coffee just to give them something to do while she sorts out whatever internal battle she’s dealing with. She opens and closes her mouth several times.
“We can’t do this anymore,” she finally says. I don’t like the direction this is taking.
“What do you mean, Norah?” I’m fairly certain I know exactly what she means, but I want her to spell it out for me. I want to know all her reasons because, up until two seconds ago, I thought this was going great. I thought she was the woman I was going to marry, have babies with, grow old and frail with. Last night was amazing—at least, it was for me, anyway. The fact that she’s coming here and saying she can’t do this anymore, not even a full twelve hours later, is kind of throwing me for a loop. She seemed just as happy as I was, but maybe I was reading her all wrong.
“I mean, we can put an end to the act and go our separate ways.” She stands up from the couch and braces her hands on her hips. A tear is making its way down her cheek. I know this isn’t what she wants, so why is she running from this? Something has her scared.
“This isn’t an act for me. I don’t want to go our separate ways. I want to go the same way, wherever you go, always.”
“Oh, yeah right, Colby. We both know I’m not the girl for you. You might not think so now, but someday, a beautiful woman is going to come along and turn your head. You’ll wonder what you’ve been doing with me all this time,” she says and turns her back to me to wipe the tears from her face.
I am baffled. Dumbfounded. Speechless. What is that supposed to mean?
“When do you ever see me looking at other women? What has given you the impression that I don’t find you beautiful? I don’t know why you’re thinking these things, but you’re wrong. You are perfect, drop-dead gorgeous, sexy, funny…” I go to wrap my arms around her once again, but she backs away from me. I drop my arms to my sides in defeat. I’ve never felt this helpless before.
“You think that now because we got swept away with the act.”
“I told you from the very beginning that this is not an act for me, that I want to date you. Why do you not believe me? Do you have zero faith in me?” I brush the hair back from her face, and she closes her eyes, refusing to meet my gaze. I wish she would look in my eyes. Then, she would see how much I mean that, how much I love her.
She shakes her head and says, “I’m sorry.” She rushes out the front door, and I’m left standing in the middle of my living room with my heart on the floor. I feel like I’ve just been hit with a sledgehammer. Not for one second when I saw Norah standing at my door did I think she was coming here to break my heart. I did not see this coming.
It’s Thursday. This week has been moving at a snail’s pace. I don’t know if it will ever be Saturday. I’m longing for Saturday so I can lay in my bed all day and stare at the wall. I won’t do anything, see anyone, be anywhere. I won’t have to see Norah on Saturday.
Norah. She has been torturing me all week with her wild hair, her fake smiles that haven’t reached her eyes, and her laugh that isn’t quite as loud as usual. After Monday, I stopped going to the teacher’s lounge for lunch, because I can’t handle being around her. Instead, I’ve been eating at my desk and working on lesson plans. It doesn’t matter, though. It’s a small school, so I still pass her in the hallways, the workroom, and parking lot. She’s everywhere. And it’s torture.
But I think it would almost be worse not seeing her.
Everyone in the school seems to know something is going on between us. They haven’t come right out and asked me about it. Maybe, for once, they’re trying to be sensitive to other people’s feelings and mind their own business. But rooms get quiet when I walk into them, and people stare like they’re waiting for me to do something. I keep getting those pitying glances that make me want to rage. Yes, it’s better if I stay away from people.
Thursday afternoon is the guys’ weekly baseball game, but I’m not going this week. I don’t feel like pretending to be happy. And I know I wouldn’t be on my game in this mood, and the guys would rag on me. I check my watch and see that the game started ten minutes ago. I haven’t gotten a phone call from Jameson or Seth, so I guess that means they’re going to allow me to wallow in self-pity.
I grab my TV remote and lean back on my couch. I spend the next five minutes scrolling through movies, unable to decide on anything. Everything is either too happy or too sad. I don’t want to watch happy couples falling in love when I’ve just been rejected by the woman I love, but I don’t want to end up in the pit of despair, watching sad movies either. I just want something that will allow me to go brain dead for an hour or two, so I can forget this entire week.
I turn the TV off and decide to drown my sorrows in some of the junk food I bought yesterday. It was a moment of weakness. The woman working the register was openly gaping at the sheer amount of empty calories I purchased. I can’t even blame her because I was appalled with myself—still am, actually.
I take the lid off the tub of ice cream and grab a spoon. I sit on my kitchen counter and dig in. And that’s when Seth comes barreling through my front door with Jameson hot on his heels. “Oh no, Jameson. We’re too late. We’ve already lost him!” Seth says. Jameson and I both roll our eyes at the theatrics.
“I’m fine,” I say around a mouthful of chocolate ice cream.
“Then why aren’t you at the baseball game?” Jameson asks. His arms are crossed, and he quirks an eyebrow at me. He’s such a know-it-all.
“I just don’t feel like it tonight. I don’t barge down y’all’s doors when y’all miss a game.” I shove another bite in my mouth. Seth grabs a spoon from the drawer and scoops a bite out of the tub.
“This is really good,” he says as he hops onto the counter beside me. He takes another bite, and I shove the carton into his hands. “Thanks, man.” Jameson and I watch him as he scarfs down a ridiculous amount of ice cream and gives himself a brain freeze.