“But it might not be Kin–”
She held up a hand and pinned me with her glare. “For the sake of everything that hangs in the balance until you leave Ravenscroft, this child belongs to Mr. Farrell. It cannot be anyone else’s. Do you understand? From now on, if you don’t take the step of publicly solidifying your bond through marriage, then you must act as though Kingston is your sun and moon or you will bring down far worse things upon yourself than a couple of fae.”
My back stiffened. “What are you talking about?”
“You don’t want to know, Sunday. Trust me. Do this and protect not only yourself but that child you’re carrying. Your mates will understand. It’s all part of the game,non?”
A shiver raced up my spine, and I placed a palm over my lower belly.
“Take this advice. I know you don’t like to listen to anyone, but hear me now. If you are discovered to be pregnant, let Kingston take the lead. Let your heart guide you. Reflect on the consequences. Then make your choice.”
Marry Kingston?The headmistress’s suggestion rolled around in my mind as my feet carried me to the church. I’d let my heart guide me and it had brought me here. To my confessor. Who better to help me sort through the complicated tangle of my thoughts?
The sky was a deep pink blended with purples, clouds reflecting the setting sun and reminding me of Caleb’s limitations. He wouldn’t be here. But this was the place I felt closest to him. This was where he sought solace and comfort.
As I walked down the aisle, my shoes noisy on the stone floor, I let the comforting scents of my priest wash over me.
It may not be a true church anymore, but Caleb always left candles burning so anyone who needed a quiet place for reflection would feel welcome. I appreciated the small kindness as I made my way to the front pew and took a seat, staring up at the crucifix behind the altar.
No one had ever taught me how to pray. I wasn’t even sure there was a God up there listening to me. Instead I imagined I was talking tohimas I closed my eyes and bowed my head.
“I don’t know what to do. Everything is such a mess.” My voice shook with emotion I couldn’t hold back any longer. “It’s too much. Things I never considered are at my feet, and I don’t have a plan. How can I choose to marry Kingston without destroying everyone else who matters to me? I didn’t want to choose between them then, and I definitely don’t want to now. But I don’t want to put this baby in danger either. How do I keep everyone safe?”
I felt him before he spoke, but I kept my head bowed, my eyes trained on the tile floor.
“Maybe youshouldmarry him.”
My muscles tensed, and my head snapped up. “You can’t mean that.”
Caleb stood a few feet away from me just beside the altar, his figure cast mostly in shadow. I could only just make out the dark glitter of his eyes from here, but there was no missing the harsh cast of his expression.
Apparently absence did not, in fact, make the heart grow fonder. This was not a man filled with joy now that the woman he secretly loved had returned home. He didn’t look happy to see me at all.
I’d hoped things would be unchanged between us after I came back from my visit to the Farrells, but it seemed like my time away had just allowed Caleb to rebuild that stupid fucking wall of his. He was as closed off from me now as he’d ever been.
I hated it.
“Can’t I? You have spent the last few months doing what you want with who you want. Now perhaps is the time for you to stop being selfish and do what you should.”
I flinched. I wasn’t sure what was worse, being called selfish—one of my own personal worst fears—or him pushing me away again.
“If I’m not mistaken, you participated too. How can you call me selfish when you were just as much a part of what we did?”
His jaw tensed, and he took two steps closer, stopping in a pool of candlelight. My chest ached as I looked at him. He was so fucking beautiful. How could someone so angelic be so cruel?
“At least I tried to resist.”
“Why are you acting like this? When I left—”
“Your time away has helped me regain my perspective. There is so much more at stake than my wicked desire for you.”
“Love isn’t wicked.”
“Who said anything about love?”
Angry tears sprung to my eyes. “‘She knew he was the one she’d been waiting for. The one who would save her from her sad and lonely life. The one to love her for the rest of her days.’” The words trembled as I forced them through my tight throat. “And you said...”
“‘Aye, that he did.’ But that was a faerie story for a stubborn child who wouldn’t sleep.”