“Yes, it was. And without another option from my mother, I tried to seduce Lord Hanbrooke the evening of the ball. I tried to impress him and flirt. I thought he might have a weakness for my charms.
But he did not appear to care at all. Instead, he treated me with such wariness that I was certain he might run in the other direction despite my attempts to sway him,” Charlotte told Mary, shaking her head.
“When I asked him why he had no affection for me, he told me that it was because of you. I was surprised by his boldness, the way he said it with such confidence and certainty.
It was clear to me that he cares for you deeply and I wondered how I might ever manage to compete with you if this man liked you so much. I knew that my mother would be angered by my failure and it was in that moment that I gave in to a lack of integrity,” she confessed.
“You told him that I had a dalliance with another man,” Mary said, finishing the thought.
“I did. I thought that if I had failed in every other attempt to attract him, I had no choice but to do what my mother had urged me to do from the very beginning. In telling him that you were secretly engaged to a man without nobility, I had hoped that it would convince him that you were not only lacking in virtue, but that you had little care for custom and the standards of society and breeding,” she said.
“But the man you love is not from a noble family. Is he aware that you view his status with such disdain?” Mary asked.
“Not in the least. I only behave that way for my mother’s sake. All the gossip, all the judgement, I find it quite disagreeable to speak that way. But there is very little I can do if I am going to satisfy my mother’s need for proving ourselves better than others. She is very harsh on those she deems to be impressive in society because she wishes to be above them,” Charlotte explained.
“I understand. There are a great many people in society who feel that way. Nevertheless, it is far too harsh and certainly wrong to belittle others,” Mary said.
Charlotte looked away in shame, her cheeks burning red. Mary hadn’t meant to scold her, but she did wish for Charlotte to understand that she did not need to continue behaving as her mother would have her do. There was no need to be so cruel or to act as though she was better than others.
“I did not mean to bring you any sort of shame. I only meant that it is wrong for anyone to think others less than themselves,” Mary said.
“I know. And I did behave that way, just as my mother did. I had become the very sort of woman I never wished to be because it was the only way to please her. But there is more to my reason for lying, Mary. My mother was certainly part of it, but I was also bitter and angry with you,” she said.
At this, Mary’s heart sunk. She must have done something wrong, something to harm her stepsister. Mary knew she had probably been so focused on her own life that she hadn’t even realised she’d hurt Charlotte’s feelings.
“What did I do that hurt you?” she asked.
“Nothing that was your fault,” Charlotte replied. “It was me who took it all wrong. But whenever I saw you with Lord Hanbrooke, I was furious. It reminded me of what I had lost. I missed Joseph so badly and I found it exceedingly unfair that you were falling in love with a man you could marry.”
“Not anymore…” Mary sighed.
“What? You do not love him?” Charlotte asked, taken aback.
“Of course I still love him. But I cannot marry him now. Not unless my father changes his mind and is willing to accept him even after they had such a row. I know that my father will not even allow Crispin in the house. Apparently Crispin insulted your mother and now my father is furious with him,” Mary said.
“He will not remain so for long. He knows now that my mother truly was behind all of this. I have no doubt that he shall forgive Lord Hanbrooke and allow the two of you to be together at last. No matter how it may have been before, your father will see that Lord Hanbrooke only said those things because he so desperately wanted to be with you,” Charlotte reasoned.
“Yes, well, I do hope that he does. But until I know for certain, I do not wish to put all my hopes in that possibility,” Mary said.
“What you have is something special, Mary. Do you love him? Do you intend to marry him if you are able?” Charlotte asked.
Mary smiled to herself and thought for a moment. She truly did. She loved Crispin more than she’d ever thought possible. Certainly, she didn’t know how to tell Charlotte that, but how could she ever push away that love? How could she let go of it for any reason?
“I would. I love him very much,” she admitted.
“Then you need to tell him. If there is any chance for the two of you to be together, you mustn’t let other things get in the way—not me, not my mother, nothing. You cannot allow for the whims and wishes of your enemies to push you apart.
I think he loves you as well and it would be dreadful if you missed your chance to be together all because of my mother’s desire to keep me respectable,” Charlotte said.
Mary thought about it for a moment. Maybe Charlotte was right. Maybe Mary needed to push harder and express to Crispin how much she cared for him, so long as she did so within the realm of respectability.
And if he reciprocated as she believed he did, she just might have happiness within her grasp after all.