The sincerity and love in her words touched my soul. Even more so because I knew it was my uncle she felt that way about. They scared the shit out of me but warmed me at the same time.
“Loving your man means knowing there will be times where he has to do… things,” Chelsea added as she leaned against the door frame. “But knowing it doesn’t change the man you fell in love with, and that everything he does is for the people he loves.”
My heart pounded a little harder. These women, these amazing and beautiful, strong and independent women, they were everything I admired. Everything I wanted to be. I wanted to be able to stand up and say fuck you to the world. I wanted to be stronger.
“Loving your man is knowing he has demons and loving him more because of them,” Skylar added from in the other room. “There will be times when he needs you more than you need him.”
I didn’t want to be that broken girl people felt like they could pick on—like the sheriff had done today and Nick had done last year. I loved the club. These people had become more important to me than I ever could have imagined. They’ve stood by me. They’ve stood for me. They’ve made feel like I actually had a family and had a place in a world where I always wondered what my part was. They encouraged me to fight, to take control, and stop letting other people tell me what to do. They were the reason I wasn’t scared to have a voice anymore.
“Loving him is knowing that things won’t always be perfect,” Rose called from the other room, and I could already feel the smile in her voice. “But who the hell wants perfect anyway.”
All the girls laughed and nodded their heads.
“We weren’t all just born to be proud kick ass females who take no shit and protect their men fiercely.” Hadley grinned, continuing to play with my hair in the water.
“Way to be humble.” Rose laughed from the other room.
“I mean it,” she continued. “You think we haven’t all, at some point, thought maybe we weren’t made for this life? Every one of us has questioned whether this was where we were meant to be. Then we try to imagine our lives without them. Without the club. Without these people around us, and we remember why we chose this life.”
There was a hard thump on the door, and Chelsea quickly moved, pulling the bathroom door almost completely shut. “Come in,” she called.
“She okay?”
I melted at the sound of his voice.
I wanted him.
Hadley knew instantly and climbed off the edge of the bath holding her round belly. “She’s in here,” Hadley called as she headed for the door.
“Thank you,” I murmured before she stepped out.
She just smiled over her shoulder at me and winked.
Ham appeared closing the door silently behind him and coming to the side of the bath. He crouched down beside me, reaching out and placing his palm against my good cheek. I leaned into it seeking the comfort he seemed to exude naturally, making me feel safe and secure. “How are you feeling?” he asked gently cupping his other hand and filling it with warm water before lifting it to my exposed shoulders and pouring it over them. The gesture was everything.
Taking a deep breath, I decided honesty was my best policy at that moment. “I’m scared, Ham.”
His eyes instantly darkened. “I know, I should have been there. You should have never been left in a situation where—”
“No,” I cut in, shaking my head and sitting a little taller in the water bringing our faces a little closer. I lifted my hand placing it on his face like he’d just done to mine. “I’m scared I’m not enough. I’m scared that I’m too weak. I don’t want you to feel like you have to constantly keep watch over me,” I told him honestly.
“Meyah—”
“I want to be able to stand beside you, to be stronger than I am today and fight back. I don’t want to let them get the best of me.” His face was rough and prickly, and just that made me smile, along with the fact his cheek was now wet. “But it will take time. I might not be there right now, but I will be.”
He placed his hand on the back of my head and drew me forward dipping his lips to meet mine. His tongue swiped across my lips enticing them to open, to which they kindly obliged. He tasted like mint, and if I had to guess three to four shots of bourbon. I savored the taste as he pulled back licking the alcohol off my lips.
“That’s bullshit,” he argued, not letting me go, holding me right where he knew I was paying attention to what he had to say. “All of that is complete bullshit. You’re strong. You’re beautiful. And you’re passionate about the people and things you love. You’re not weak for being scared, you’re not weak because your first reaction to a situation is to run.”
At that moment, I swear I couldn’t have loved him more.
Did I believe all the shit he was saying? Not exactly, but I heard him.
“You don’t have to do this shit alone. I know it’s scary. I know sometimes shit will happen which makes you question whether this is what you want.” It was like he could hear all my fears. He could see them in my eyes. He saw me. When I was invisible, he saw me. “Just promise me, if that question goes through your mind, you’ll come to me.”
I nodded. “I will.”
“Promise.”
Rolling my eyes, I couldn’t help but laugh. “I promise.”
He leaned forward and pressed his lips to my forehead. “Good. Now either you’re getting out of there, or I’m getting in because I fucking need you right now.”
“You want Optimus to put a foot up your ass for doing the dirty in his bath?” I questioned with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.
He cringed. “Good point. I’ll get a towel.”