“I appreciate everything that you’re trying to do, I really do. I just need a little time,” I say. Even in therapy, it can take time to gain the courage to be vulnerable.
Theo starts to open his mouth but Madeline subtly elbows him in the side. “Of course. Merry Christmas, Charlotte.” Madeline then tugs Theo toward the elevator.
I shut the door behind them and return to sit on my couch to admire my little Christmas village. It brings back memories of the holidays with my mother and grandmother. But as much as I want to linger on the memories of them, Oliver seems to keep jumping in. The memory that sticks out the most is when I verbally attacked him about his profession and talking to Rachel. That led him to withdraw from me for a short time. In the end, despite the fact that I behaved so poorly towards him, he showed up on Thanksgiving. I’ve been holding on to the belief that the person who did wrong is responsible for reaching out to make an apology. But in that instance, it should have been me apologizing. Instead, Oliver, not knowing how I might respond, drove back from Woodstock and brought me Thanksgiving dinner. He sat with me, drinking wine and watching old holiday movies.
So maybe I need to reject my previous thinking and be the one to reach out to him. According to Theo, Oliver is spending Christmas alone. No one should be alone on Christmas Day.
It’s like a switch has gone off in my head, and I can’t move fast enough. I jump up and go to my desk, opening my laptop, and as soon as I can load the browser, I look for airline tickets to the airport closest to Malibu.
I curse, because it’s Christmas Eve, and most of the flights are full. The only one I can get is a redeye arriving Christmas morning. I sit for a moment, looking at the airline ticketing site. Wondering if I should really do this. But then my fingers are flying across the keyboard as I buy a single ticket leaving tonight to California.
I don’t imagine that there’ll be many people at the airport, but I still want to give myself plenty of time to get through security and to the flight, so I decide to leave my condo by eight PM for the eleven PM flight.
Of course, by the time I’m packed it’s still several hours before eight o’clock, so I try to occupy my time to keep my mind from perseverating on what I’m planning to do. I don’t want to get into a position where I change my mind.
Finally, at a quarter to eight, I can’t wait anymore. I grab my bag and make sure that everything in the condo is okay. I’ve turned off the lights, and the place is cleaned up. I make one last check in my carry-on bag to make sure I have everything I need. As I zip the bag up. There’s a knock on my door.
I curse again because I don’t want to be late to my flight. I rush over to the door, swinging it open, but there’s no one standing there. I look across the hall, and standing there is a cane. For a minute, I’m wondering what's happening, and then I rememberMiracle on 34th Streetand the scene in which little Susan sees the cane and is sure that Santa has been to her house.
My heart jumps, even though I’m not sure what it means. And then Oliver steps in front of me.