He’d never really given her a reason for why he didn’t want children. Now it made sense. He was afraid of hurting them the way he’d been hurt.
“It seems I can’t go anywhere anymore without finding myself jealous of all the happy couples I see with their little ones. All I think about is how that could be you and me and our kids. I know I said I didn’t want to be a father, but that’s not really what I meant, and I hope you can believe me now. I want everything, Maggie, so long as it’s with you. I know you’dnever let us fall apart the way my parents did because you’ve got a good heart. And I’m the best me when I’m with you. I promise you, I’ll try to be as amazing a parent as I know you’ll be to our kids.”
Tears streamed down her face. “Yes” was on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn’t just toss all her plans, her feelings for Marc, all of it, on impulse without considering everything. “Joel, I... I need time to think about this.”
“Okay. Take all the time you need, just don’t marryhim. Not if you still love me. And I think you do, otherwise you wouldn’t need time to think. Please, Maggie. Think about it. I know it’s a lot to cancel a wedding and leave someone, but you don’t have to do it alone. I’m here. All you have to do is call and I’ll be right by your side. And this time, I won’t leave. I’ll never leave you again.”
Rose wrapped her arm around Maggie’s waist and hugged her to her side.
Maggie couldn’t stop the tears trailing down her cheeks.
Part of her wanted to say yes right now, because Joel had always been her everything. But that wasn’t fair to Marc, whom she’d planned a life with, who loved her, who over the last eight months showed her the life they could have together. A life she believed would be full of fun, laughing, great sex, and a friendship that she counted on despite how he’d acted this week.
Still, she wondered, did Marc really want to get married? She hadn’t allowed herself to think too much about his father’s wishes. Was he marrying her to please his dad?
Did he really love her? Or was he using her to get what he really wanted? The business.
Were her feelings real? Or did she just get caught up in how Marc pursued her and how he promised her the children and home she wanted? Had she convinced herself that this was love?
Why did everything suddenly feel more complicated than it had been just a week ago? Then, she was just looking forward to some matchmaking and the wedding. Now, Joel’s reappearance made her realize one thing: she really did still love him.
She’d truly believed she’d found a good husband in Marc, but now everything was falling apart.
She’d already done this, given up one man to have that life with another. Now Joel was asking her to give up Marc for him.
Her life felt like it was on repeat.
“Maggie, all you have to do is call me back and I will help you through the rest. I promise. I hope you’ll make that call soon. Otherwise, I really do wish you all the happiness in the world, because your happiness means everything to me. I just hope I’m the one you let make you happy the rest of your life, because if you say yes to me, to us, it’s you and meforever.” He paused, then whispered, “I love you,” and hung up.
Maggie dropped her hand and the phone hit her thigh. She stared blankly at nothing, hearing Joel’s heartfelt words echo in her head, her mind and heart at odds about what to do.
Rose hugged her close. “Maggie. Maggie. Are you okay?”
She shook her head. “No.” She didn’t know if she should marry Marc, the man who’d promised her everything. “Yes.”Because Joel still loved her. He wanted her. He wanted to be everything she needed him to be for her. “I don’t know.”Joel wants to be a father. He wants a family with me, because he knows we can do it together and everything will be okay.
Rose turned and took her by the shoulders. “Maggie, honey, you’re not making sense. What did Joel say?”
Maggie finally met Rose’s inquisitive and urgent gaze. “He wants to marry me and have kids. He still loves me.”
Rose gaped at her. “Oh, my god!” She fidgeted, then repeated, “Oh, my god!”
Maggie walked to the nearest pew and sat.
Rose joined her and took her hand. “Talk to me. What are you thinking?”
Maggie glommed on to the one thing she knew for sure. “I love Joel. I love Marc. But I don’t love them the same way. They are different men. My relationship with each of them is different from the other because of that. If you’d asked me last week if I was over-the-moon excited to marry Marc, I’d have said yes.”
“But now?”
She sank in her seat. “How did things get so complicated this week? How did the man I’ve known for the last eight months turn into the Marc you’ve seen this week?”
“Maybe seeing me again threw him a curveball. Maybe he’s unsure of things now. It could be that he’s worried you’re hiding how upset you are about it and that it will become a thing that you never get over going forward.”
That actually kind of made some sense, though it appeared Rose was grasping at straws. “Maybe. But the thing is, I’m really clear on how I feel about it. What worries me is this: he was cheating on his girlfriend at the time. I didn’t know that before this week. Or that he can be such an asshole. About you two. To Gray. So I’m wondering if maybe I did rush into this wedding on the rebound and I don’t know him as well as I should before I say ‘I do.’” Maggie blurted out the nagging question she couldn’t stop thinking about. “What if Marc isn’t the right man for me?”
Rose frowned. “I’m sorry, Maggie, only you can answer that question.”
“If you were me, what would you do?”