Rush went to work fixing drinks and I turned to look out at the ocean. "Rugrats was my favorite show, Ken Norris made me cry at least once a week but then he'd make Valerie cry and I'd get mad and hurt him. My favorite and most successful attack was a swift kick to the balls. And shamefully, The Backstreet Boys covered my walls."
Rush stopped beside me and handed me a tall glass of ice water. I could see the indecision on his face. He sat down beside me. "Who is Valerie?"
I'd mentioned my sister without thinking. I was comfortable with Rush. I wanted him to know me. Maybe if I opened up about my secrets he would share his. Even if he couldn't share Nan's.
"Valerie was my twin sister. She died in a car accident five years ago. My dad was driving. Two weeks later, he walked out of our lives and never returned. Mom said we had to forgive him because he couldn't live with the fact he'd been driving the car that killed Valerie. I always wanted to believe her. Even when he didn't come to Mom's funeral I wanted to believe he just couldn't face it. So I forgave him. I didn't hate him or let bitterness and hate control me. But I came here and well... you know. I guess Mom was wrong."
Rush leaned forward and set his glass on the rustic wooden table beside the couch and slipped his arm behind me. "I had no idea you had a twin sister," he said almost reverently.
"We were identical. You couldn't tell us apart. We had a lot of fun with that at school and with boys. Only Cain could tell us apart."
Rush began to play with a lock of my hair as we sat there looking out over the water. "How long did your parents know each other before they married?" he asked. Not a question I was expecting.
"It was a love at first sight kind of thing. Mom was visiting a friend of hers in Atlanta. Dad had recently broken up with her friend and he came around one night when Mom was at her friend's apartment alone. Her friend was a little wild from what my mom said. Dad took one look at mom and he was sunk. I can't blame him. My mom was gorgeous. She had my color hair but she had the biggest green eyes. They were like jewels almost and she was just fun. You were happy just to be near her. Nothing ever got her down. She smiled through everything. The only time I saw her cry was when she was told about Valerie. She crumpled to the floor and wailed that day. It would have frightened me if I hadn't felt the same way. It was like part of my soul had been ripped out." I stopped. My eyes were burning. I'd let myself get carried away with opening up. I hadn't opened up to anyone in years.
Rush rested his forehead on the top of my head. "I'm so sorry, Blaire. I had no idea."
For the first time since Valerie had left me I felt like someone was there I could talk to. I didn't have to hold back. I turned in his arms and found his lips with mine. I needed this closeness. I'd remembered the pain and now I needed him to make it go away. He was so good at making everything but him fade away.
"I love them. I will always love them but I'm okay now. They're together. They have each other," I told him when I felt his reluctance to kiss me back.
"Who do you have?" he asked in a tortured voice.
"I have me. I found out three years ago when my mom got sick that as long as I held onto me and didn't forget who I was that I'd always be okay," I replied.
Rush closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened his eyes the desperate look in them startled me. "I need you. Right now. Let me love you right here, please."
I pulled my shirt off and then reached for his. He lifted his arms for me as I pulled his shirt over his head. He made quick work of my bra and it was gone with nothing between us. His hands cupped my br**sts as he brushed his thumb over each hard crest. "You are so f**king unbelievably gorgeous. Inside and out," he whispered. "As much as I don't deserve it I want to be buried inside you. I can't wait. I just need to get as close to you as I can get."
I scooted back from him and stood up. After slipping off my shoes, I unsnapped my shorts and pushed them down along with my panties then stepped out of them. He sat there watching me like I was the most fascinating thing he had ever seen. It felt powerful. The embarrassment I expected to feel from standing naked in front of him wasn't there.
"Get naked," I said, looking down at his erection pressing against his jeans.
I thought that would get an amused chuckle from him but it didn't. He stood up, quickly stepping out of his jeans and then sank back down on the couch pulling me with him.
"Straddle me," he instructed. I did as I was told. "Now," he gulped, "ease down on me." I looked down and saw him holding the base of his cock. I grabbed onto his shoulders and slowly lowered myself as he handled everything else.
"Easy, baby. Slow and easy. You're gonna be sore."
I nodded and bit my bottom lip as the tip started to enter me. He moved the head back and forth over my opening, teasing me. I squeezed his shoulders and gasped. It felt good. So very good.
"That's it. You're getting so f**king wet. God, I want to taste it," he growled.
Seeing the animalistic look in his eyes flipped a switch in me. I wanted to make him remember me. Remember this. I knew our time was limited and I knew I'd never forget him. Still, I wanted to know that when he walked away he'd never forget me. I didn't want to be that one girl whose virginity he took.
Leaning forward, I waited until he rubbed the head against my entrance. Then I sank down hard with a loud cry as it filled me.
"SHIT," Rush shouted. I didn't wait for him to worry about me. I was going to ride him. I understood the terminology now. I was in control of this. He started to open his mouth and say something but I stopped him by plunging my tongue into his mouth while I lifted my hips and sank back down onto him again harder. The groan and buckling sensation of his body under me assured me I was doing something right.