It’s innocent. I’m comforting her. That’s all it is. She just has to get used to sleeping on her own again before we go back to Port…and Aithar. For some reason thinking of that a’ani makes me hold her a little tighter against my chest. If I can’t have her, he doesn’t get to have her, either. She needs someone that will protect her from the universe, and since the universe isn’t stepping up with the right male, it’s clear I’m going to have to keep on championing her. Being the hero she needs me to be.
At least, I will in the morning. Tomorrow, I’ll talk with Helen and tell her why sneaking into my room is a terrible idea. Right after I kill Adiron, because he must have known this was going on.
CHAPTER 19
HELEN
I sleep so good that night. With Mathiras’s warm, comforting presence pressed up against me in the bed, it feels like I’m back on the abandoned mining station, minus all the scary stuff. His scent is in my nose, his body against mine, and his arms around me. I sigh happily, drifting along in sleep even though I know it’s past time to wake up.
I just want to enjoy this for a little longer.
Mathiras shifts against me in the bed and something hard presses up against my backside. Oh.
Breathless, I remember the last time that happened. How good it had felt, and how quickly Mathiras had decided he needed to get away from me, fast. But I’m determined for this not to end like it did last time. I’m taking control of the situation. If Mathiras won’t realize how perfect I am for him, I’ll just have to show him.
I should stay still. I should let Mathiras wake up naturally, realize how great he slept with me in his arms, and then he’ll want to sleep with me all the time. But that pressing, hard bar against my backside reminds me of the vids that the guards sent me, of penises and them pushing into the female while she shrieked and shrieked with pleasure. I’m fascinated by that. Does it really feel that good that the people in the vids lose their minds?
Experimentally, I shift my hips a little.
Behind me, Mathiras groans. His heavy arm is over me, and my back tucked against his front. We fit perfectly together like this, and I move my hips a little again. He moves back, rocking that hardness against me and pressing it between my buttocks, and then…deeper.
Oh. Oh mercy, that does feel good. I wriggle a little, pressing my backside up against him. My nightgown has ridden up to my waist, my flanks bare against his lower half.
He prods at my backside with that hardness, and my breath catches in my throat as he rocks his hips against mine. I’m not screaming like they do in the vids, but it feels…good. Fascinating. I want more of it, too. I part my thighs to give him better access to all the good parts, and rub against him again.
Mathiras groans, and I could swear he feels even bigger like this. I press back against him, wishing he wasn’t wearing his ship uniform so I could feel everything. My hand slides between my legs, and I’m curious what he feels like as he pushes against me again. My fingers brush up against the hard bulge and I suck in a breath, because either he’s wet or I’m wet, but the material between us is definitely wet.
Unfortunately, that small noise is enough to wake Mathiras up. He stiffens against me, and just before he can fling himself off the bed like he did before, I grab his arm, holding him against me. “Wait,” I breathe. “Don’t go.”
“Helen.” I’ve never heard him sound so strangled. “You…we…”
“Why does that feel good?” I ask him, breathless as I rub against him again. “It’s not even inside me and yet it feels so good.”
He groans, his head pushing against the back of mine. “We can’t do this.”
“You’re right,” I realize. It’s never going to work with him fully dressed. “You should get naked.”
Mathiras groans again. “No, I mean, you and I. We shouldn’t do this. I can’t take advantage of you.”
I want to roll my eyes at his wording. Again, going on and on about taking advantage of me. This man could drive anyone up a wall. “We’re just rubbing against each other, Mathiras. Can’t we feel good?” And I wriggle back against him.
He makes a pained sound. “Your bottom…”
“It’s bare,” I agree. “They’re always bare in the vids. Is it not supposed to be? Because everything feels better when I’m bare.”
My goodness, I’ve never heard Mathiras make quite so many choked noises all at once. Very gently, very firmly, he pushes me away. “This is a bad idea, Helen. This is why we can’t sleep together.”