My heart drops. Is he trying to get rid of me again?
“You’d be with Ruth and Ruthie,” he continues, staring intently down at me while his hand splays over my lower back. “You’d be with other clones. They’re well-equipped to defend a qura’aki even if other pirates found out that you were on board. My head tells me that it’s the best place for you…but I’m a selfish keffing bastard.”
“You are?” I say hopefully, since I think this is leading somewhere good.
“I am,” Matty agrees. “Because I’m not about to keffing give up my mate. Your place is with me, at my side.”
“In your shower?” I ask.
“There, too.”
“And in your bed?”
“Especially there,” he murmurs, voice husky. He puts a finger under my chin, tipping my face up for a kiss. “I think the rest of this would drive me to insanity if I didn’t have you at my side.”
My poor Matty. He’s so very stressed. I bite back the question I wanted to ask him, because I don’t want to contribute to his problems. He’s worried enough without me asking him to give me a baby…even if I’d love it more than anything.
For now, though, I can just be his Helen. “Want to put your penis inside me today?”
CHAPTER 106
HELEN
Mathiras gives me a shocked look, then shakes his head. “My sweet Helen,” he murmurs, leaning in to kiss me. “It’s very kind of you to offer that to make me feel good. But I want the timing to be just right.”
Does he…think it won’t make me feel good? That I don’t enjoy sex play as much as he does? “I’m confused, is that a no?”
He kisses the tip of my nose. “I want us both to be in the right mindset when we say yes.”
That definitely feels like a no. I try not to pout, though, because obviously he’s stressed. “How about I touch your cock and you tell me all about your day?”
“It’s all right, Helen. I don’t need a distraction.” Matty smiles down at me. “I’m happy to just have you in my arms. Just…tell me that you’d rather stay with me than be on the Scarlet Gaze and I’ll stress about one less thing.”
“You’re not getting rid of me,” I promise him. I snag him by his belt, determined to show him that I enjoy touching him in all kinds of ways and it’s not me just trying to cheer him up. Okay, maybe it is a little, but if we both like me playing with his cock and it makes him happier, what’s the harm? “So please don’t worry about that.”
Matty lets me lead him over to the bed and he sits down on the edge and holds his arms out, clearly waiting for me to jump onto his lap. Instead, I drop to my knees in front of him and move between his thighs.
“Uh, Helen?”
“Hush,” I say, reaching for the auto-fastener on his belt. “You were telling me about the other things you’re stressing about.”
“You don’t have to do this—”
“I don’t have to do anything,” I reply, voice tart. “But you like making me happy, right? And I like touching your cock. So please tell me about your day and I’ll touch your cock and we’ll both enjoy ourselves.” I run my hand over the front of his trou, to where his cock is just starting to harden. “I really do like touching you. I’ve been thinking about it all day.”
He groans, falling backward on the bed and spreading his thighs a little wider apart. One big hand goes to my hair and he trails his fingers through it. “So you weren’t just offering when you said we should have sex?”
“Of course not. I really want sex. Very badly. But I can wait, as long as I get to touch you.” The auto-fastener takes its time, slithering down his groin and then to his thigh, and I peel back the fabric slowly, like I’m unwrapping a present. “Now tell me why you are so stressed. Is it because we’ll have too many people on the Little Sister?”
“It’s everything.” His hand plays with my hair as I pull his cock free from his clothing. “I just…I’m responsible for everyone. Having a ship full of pregnant females means we have to be safe. I think back to all the times Zoey was endangered when she went on missions with us and—”
He sucks in a breath, his voice abruptly cutting off the moment I take him in my hand and curl my fingers around his shaft.
“So you’re thinking everyone will be in danger,” I echo, licking a wet stripe down the underside of his cock.
“I’m not thinking much of anything when you do that,” Matty admits in a strangled voice, his hand tightening in my hair. “Kef me, your mouth feels incredible.”