I made my way over to the door while quickly pulling my hair up in a ponytail, but before I could grab the knob, I paused and acknowledged the hollow feeling of my stomach being turned inside out.
I closed my eyes and forced myself to breathe. That’s when I saw Noah. His unruly auburn hair and burning blue eyes. His smile, his laugh, his scent. The way his arms would wrap around me and own me in every way. And those perfect lips, a magnet impossible to ignore whenever they were pressed to mine.
Our kiss.
That one damn kiss that ruined me the moment I tasted him. Now here I was, twenty years old, alone...and pregnant.
“Sienna!”
“Jesus, Silas.” I flung open the door and looked straight into Silas’ annoyed expression.
“You look slightly better than you did earlier. Slightly. A little underdressed for a birthday party, but I’ll chalk it up to grief and let it go this time.”
“I’m not going to Andrew’s party, Silas.”
He frowned. “But you’re dressed...albeit, not the best outfit I’ve ever seen you in.”
“Even though I appreciate you keeping your sarcasm to a minimum around me, I really don’t feel like a party. I just want to go for a walk and get some fresh air.”
I tried to push past him when he grabbed my waist. “You’re in luck then.”
“Silas, what are you doing?”
He lifted me off my feet and pulled me over his shoulder. “You said you needed fresh air. Well, my new Porsche Boxster and I are happy to assist.”
“Silas, put me down.” I tried to wiggle free and claw at his back so he’d let me go. But my attempts were futile, and Silas didn’t loosen his grip on me in the slightest.
“I’m sorry, dear Sister. But you are going out tonight, and you are going to fucking smile while you mingle with real goddamn people.”
“Good God, you’re an asshole.”
“Yes. Yes, I am.”
I huffed and gave up fighting, letting my body go lax over Silas’ shoulder. Whenever my brother had his mind made up, you could stand on your head and whistle God Save the Queen out your ass; but you’d never get him to back down.
Air rushed out of my lungs as Silas set me down in the passenger seat of his car. I scowled as he rounded the car, got into the driver’s side, and started the engine. He grinned at me as he put the car in gear and sped down the driveway.
“A party isn’t going to make me feel better, Silas.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. But you’ll never know until you at least try. I know you miss him, Sienna.”
“It’s so much more than just missing him.” I glanced down as I twirled my thumbs nervously on my lap. For a second, I wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell Silas that I was pregnant, and that Noah was the father. Silas and I didn’t have the kind of relationship Spencer and I had, but somehow the thought of telling him seemed easier than telling Spencer.
But I hated the thought of either of them looking at me with disappointment etched on their faces. And besides, how was I supposed to talk about it when it didn’t even feel fucking real?
“I know it’s hard,” Silas said next to me. “And it sucks. But you at least have to try to take back your life, no matter how shitty it feels.”
I glanced at him, appreciating him trying to be serious and supportive in a non-asshole way.
Silas turned onto the highway and sped up. My thoughts were a jumbled mess which all led to the pale pink lines on the stick I had hidden in my drawer. Everything changed once more, just like it did the morning Noah upped and left, leaving behind a letter that carved out my heart.
Dear Sienna,
Me hurting you was inevitable, and I’ll never forgive myself for not stopping it from happening.
I’m sorry.
I’m so fucking sorry.