Chapter Thirty-Four
Sienna
The world fell awaywhen he said those words, words I had yearned to hear from him for so long. It was bittersweet, and I held my breath as my heart swelled and shattered at the same time. Warmth spread through my chest while ice filled my spine. It was the right words said at the wrong time.
“You loved me.” It wasn’t a question. Fuck. I didn’t know what it was.
His gaze swept around the room before settling on me. “I still love you, Sienna.”
“Then why did you walk away?”
He pressed his lips against my forehead, and I closed my eyes. “I left you because I love you.”
“That makes no sense.”
“I know. God, I want so much to be able to tell you everything.” His voice was soft, tender—like his hands on my cheeks.
“Then tell me.”
He didn’t say anything. He hardly moved. My mind screamed at me to pull away, yet my heart demanded that I keep still and let his lips linger on my skin just a little longer. How many nights did I lie in bed wishing to be this close to him again, to feel him again? The agony of wanting something so badly your soul bled for it was a kind of pain I had never experienced before. I lived with that yearning for weeks. Endured the torture every minute of every day I wasn’t with him.
No. I couldn’t do this with him. Not him. Not again.
Pulling his palms from my face, I stepped away to the side, needing air between us so I could breathe. “Take me home, Noah. Take me home now.”
He licked his lips, glancing from one side of the room to the other, placing his hands on his hips. “I can’t.”
“Yes. You can. Take me home,” I demanded, my hands shaking as I fought back tears. “You kidnapped me, Noah. And that is not okay. You don’t get to crash back into my life like this.”
I can’t let you go home, Sienna.”
“Like hell you can’t.” I began searching the room. “Where is my bag? My phone?”
“It’s not here.”
I rummaged through the old French armoire, opening the doors and pulling out the drawers.
“Your bag and your phone were the first things I got rid of.”
“Noah, goddammit!” I threaded my fingers through my hair and trembled—angry and so fucking confused. “You can’t do this. I want to go home.”
“Sienna.” He stepped forward and reached out, but I jerked back.
“Don’t touch me. Do not fucking touch me,” I bit out between clenched teeth. My body was too hungry for his touch, and I was just too fucking weak right now. I needed to get away from him, so I rushed to the door, wrapping my fingers around the doorknob. But just as the door unlatched, I felt him behind me, reaching over my shoulder and slamming it shut.
A whimper left my lips, and I closed my eyes as his scent filled the air around me, my heart beating impossibly fast—I was afraid he might hear it.
“Sienna,” he whispered, so fucking softly it resembled a plea. A prayer. And I inhaled sharply, feeling him brush his face against my hair, hearing him breathe in deep. “God, I missed you.”
Such beautiful fucking words. If only it weren’t tainted with betrayal and my bleeding heart.
He moved behind me, placing his other palm on the door, trapping me with his front flush against my back. “I know I have no fucking right to say this, but I’m going to say it anyway.” Leaning his forehead against the back of my head, I could hear his every breath; feel it weave through my hair. “Not a goddamn day went by that I didn’t have to stop myself from coming back to you. Night and day, all I could think about was you. You fucking haunted me, Sienna, and the memories drove me insane.” He bit out those last words as if they angered him. “It’s been hell without you.”
I swallowed hard, his every word stabbing deeper and deeper into my heart, tearing it the fuck apart, shredding my insides until I couldn’t take it anymore. A sob tore through me, followed by the river of tears I had been holding back. I couldn’t stop it from happening. I couldn’t stop myself from breaking, weeping uncontrollably while the ache deep inside my belly intensified, forcing its way up my chest until it paralyzed me. The torment. It consumed me and seeped through my veins until I was sure I’d die.
“You left!” I cried, slamming my palm against the wooden door. “You fucking left!”
“I know.” He wrapped his arms around me tightly. “I know,” he murmured, clutching me against his chest as I bent forward, the pain too much for me to handle. I wanted it gone. I wanted to reach inside my chest and claw it out of me so I could just fucking breathe.