Until we meet again.
All my love,
Reeve.
I fold the letter and put it in the envelope, flopping back on the couch and sighing. Dillon is quiet beside me. Too quiet. I twist my head, eyeballing the side of my husband’s handsome face. “Spit it out, Dil.”
He leans forward on his elbows, and I sit up straighter, linking my fingers in his.
“I always thought the way he loved you was obsessive bordering on psychotic, and this confirms it.” He turns to me. “That kind of love is not healthy. He was obsessed with you and had to have you at any cost.”
“I can't reconcile that Reeve with the Reeve I knew and loved. I just can’t believe he abandoned his child so he wouldn’t lose me. I feel so guilty. Like it’s my fault that child was deprived of his father.”
Dillon glares at me. “Don’t you fucking dare take that on. That is not on you.”
I’m contemplative as I try to organize my thoughts so this comes out right. “Perhaps you are right and the way he loved me wasn’t healthy, but it grew from the best foundation. Reeve was my best friend growing up. He was always there for me. It was the two of us against the world, and when we became lovers, it seemed like the most natural progression. I don’t remember at what point we acknowledged we were always going to be with one another, but whether we were right or wrong for each other, doesn’t take away from the fact he did his best to love me the only way he knew how. I don’t condone what he did. He should have told me and accepted the responsibility that came with his actions, but I know he did it because he believed he was protecting me and protecting our future.”
Dillon twists around to face me, and his knee brushes mine. “That sounds scarily like some form of Stockholm syndrome.”
“You don’t get to do this!” I shout. “You don’t get to take every single memory I have of him and twist it into something nasty.” Tears spill down my cheeks. “This doesn’t redefine everything we were to one another or change the happy marriage we had or alter how good of a father and husband he was.” I break down, sobbing, covering my face in my hands.
“Come here.” He pulls me into his arms, and I cry into his shirt, hating I’m back to this.
“I’m scared, Dillon.” I brush the tears from my eyes and look up at him while clinging to him. “I’m scared that this news will do all of that, and I don’t want to look back on my memories and feel like they were lies.”
“I’m not going to lie to you, Vivien, but the truth is, you have to accept there were things about him you didn’t know. How can that not influence the things you did? You say he was protecting you? Well, why the fuck didn’t he turn that evidence into the police? Those bitches assaulted you and left you bleeding and unconscious in an alley. They should’ve been brought to justice. Instead, he used it to bargain with that cow.”
“Why did you do any of the hurtful things you did? You showed up here, prepared to ruin my marriage and shatter my heart again.” He moves to pull away from me, but I won’t let him. “I’m not saying that to hurt you, and I know it in no way compares to what Reeve has done. What he has done is unforgivable.”
I let that thought settle in my mind for a minute, and I realize behind my confusion is a lot of anger. “I’m mad at him for using me to shirk his responsibility to his son, and I am questioning everything. But I’m trying to get you to see it’s not as black-and-white as you think it is. I know this is personal for you because of your experiences, and I hate that Reeve did this. This revelation has definitely shaken my belief in him, and I don’t know how to process all of my emotions.”
“I don’t want us fighting about this. I don’t want him coming between us again.”
“We won’t, and he isn’t.”
“We may not see eye to eye on this, Vivien.” He stares deep into my eyes. “I know we’re not in a position to make any decisions yet, but what if we want different things?”
“You want to do this,” I quietly admit.
Dillon stands, pacing. “I’m not sure yet, but how can I abandon my flesh and blood? As much as I am disgusted with my twin, I can’t deny the facts. Bodhi is my nephew, and I don’t see how I can turn my back on him. The thought of him going into the foster care system breaks my heart.” He drills me with a look. “Or worse, ending up with Saffron.”
All the blood drains from my face. “She doesn’t want him.”
“Lori is desperate. If we don’t do this, she may go to Saffron. Leave her everything if she agrees to take him in.”
A full-body shudder takes control of me. “We can’t let that happen, but we can’t let it drive our decision either. If we decide to do this, it has to be for the right reasons. That we want to care for him, offer him a loving home, and the same attention and care we give to Easton or any other children we may have in the future.”
“I know.” He flops back down, burying his head in my shoulder for a few seconds. “We should talk to my parents. They know a bit about this.”
“Definitely,” I agree. “But let’s talk with Alex first. I want to know if he knew about this.”